i can't.
so how dare me define myself as a poet.
so don't salute me
don't tip your hat
don't clink a glass
i am, indeed, your
very own personal
little 16 year old
alchoholic.
he sees the glaze in my eyes and falls in love
he sees the dull humanity and falls right out.
why must love be so intoxicating?
when my mind shivers and sleeps
my heart wakes up,
and laughs
and opens up to life.
my sober dreams cannot compare to my
drunkened reality.
About my dear granddaughter Jelyza. She's been going through a drinking problem.
Comments
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The poem is actually deeper than I thought it would have been from just reading the title. So kudos for that. That having been said, I think the title can be changed instead of having it be both title and first line. You could delete the "so" in line 3 and "little" in line 8. Alcoholic could be capitalised...it would be quite humourous. And I do think that for the lucidity of the poem there should be a space between lines, 9 and 10. How does one's mind shiver and sleep at the same time? Also, I think there should be a nice one-line closer to this poem. Something like...
But for now, I'll stick to drinking.
It would add to the humour serves as a kind of bookend.
Anyway, I enjoyed the poem it's charming. Best wishes. -
Nice
So you're a drunk?
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Interesting format for the poem!
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