Abusive memories

Beaten to my hands and knees
Sweating like 100 degrees
How can you do this to me?
I tried so hard not to plead
But my emotions took the best of me
My scars leave memories
An ongoing pain like I have a disease
I didn't fight back, what has become of me?
Your finally out my life but I still can't breathe
Scared of someone getting to close to me
Relationships and me will never be
Letting my guard down is hard for me
Don't want another abusive memory
Every night I cry myself to sleep
wishing and hoping I would wake up to the old me