Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Comparing egg white to the whites of your eyes.

My talcum powdered breath,
Glees the ribbon clenched in the auto-erotic asphyxiated grip,
Used to wipe the slim fast slowly leaking from every pore.

It's so slow,
How the jigsaw slowly seers you in listeria listerine,
Don't hyphenate the ampersand without talking to me first,
I cherish you.

Author notes

Prompt:

"You touch the place strung out across the sky, with
amperage of dusty highs.
With mellophones and summer-minted eyes,
you’re triple burning."

-- 'Leather Boots' - Red Heart The Ticker


A bit of the poem that had to be axed:

"Don't slip into too many sandcastles,
I used your arms and legs to pay for those cow boots."

I'm tired and I know it's crap. Generally I messed around with the idea of manipulation and restriction or something or other I don't know. These psychology notes are in tomorrow you'll make something up in your magical minds.

Oliver

A contest entry

...some things aren't meant to make sense...this should make sense but in the sense that it shouldn't make sense without the ideology of nonsenical sense...

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • ZachP silver member
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    I like this.
    I do not know ~why~ I like this,
    but I definitely do.

    You are an amazing writer
    congratulations on your bronze trophy.

    My best,
    Zach Estel.


  • Misskaoz
    October 30

    Edit | Reply

    I enjoyed reading this. I think I agree with the guy that said "this makes perfect sense in the sense that it makes hardly any or no sense at all". But looks like from your comment that is what you were going for. I see why it won the bronze trophy, I would've bumped it a little higher myself.


    Keep on writing and I will keep on reading.


    Extra clappies for you.





  • Br0kEn WiNgS
    October 18

    Edit | Reply

    cool

    this makes perfect sense in the sense that it makes hardly any or no sense at all. I love the idea of this. Great write.

  • DecorusApparatus
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Actually very clever. I like the concept of this, and the ways it was strung into the prompt. Blown away by this line: "Don't hyphenate the ampersand without talking to me first,
    I cherish you."
    Just wow.
    Thank you very much for your entry.
    --Katie