Phobia

Sitting here wallowing in fear
in constant stress the end is near
for me...
death creeps close to heart
waiting for my soul to depart
trembling hands...
quivering lips...
clattering knees...
as your car pulls in from work...
darting eyes...
but there is no place to hide
as you enter the house...
uncontrollable shaking...
spluttering screams for help...
dripping eyes
as you enter the room...
memories of a shattered history,
yet I still dwell on all my miseries
scared of my own sneaking shadow,
as I feel like im on the gallows...
helpless...
trapped in my own sanctuary,
thoughts too real become scary
reminiscing only makes me weary
seeing you now only makes me teary...
but I'm leaving my grudges behind
it wasn't in your soul to be kind,
but it is in mine...
I can't escape myself, no matter how fast I run
I've come to grip life and realise the past can't be undone
I come here to let you know I forgive you
and with this chapter of my life over I'd like to start anew
I'd like you to know I'm no longer my minds slave
and I've left some roses and my phobias at your grave