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The Road To Hell

Here I am,
Sitting alone at the end of the road,
And Im kickin stones down,
Im kickin stones down the road to hell now...

There is no one here to help me now,
I wish that there was a way some how.
To take me home to the days of new,
Where all my thoughts revolved around you.

But here I am,
Sitting alone at the end of the road,
And Im kickin stones down,
Im kickin stones down the road to hell now...

I know that you are the only one,
Who could do such a thing like this to me?
The pain set in with your love undone,
But now you leave me to crawl back down into the whiskey bottle.

And here I am,
Sitting all alone at the end of the road,
And Im kickin stones down,
Im kickin stones down the road to hell now...

I cant believe that i didnt see,
That i was the one who did this to me.
I can see your words like a ghost in the night,
As right then and there my feelings did fight...

I took all your pain and stitched it in.
I did everything i could to keep within,
Myself, my soul and all along,
But now all I do is scream again.

So leave me here,
Sitting all alone at the end of the road,
And Im kickin stones down,
Im kickin stones down the road to hell now...

Author notes

This was inspired by the song 37 Stitches by Drowning Pool. The meanings have no correlation.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Haret5
    October 20

    Edit | Reply

    Well Done

    Well Done! In the future I would be careful of repeating lines to much. You don't want to overkill something do you? But on this poem it wasn't quite to much.


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    The biggest issue that I have with this piece is the lack of attention given to punctuation. It's completely missing is some fairly obviously spots (for instance, Im should be I'm and didnt should be didn't) and used incorrectly in other places ( like: "I know that you are the only one, / Who could do such a thing like this to me?") The first line relates to a statement but you've got a question mark following the second line and a comma between them, totally confusing your readers!

    The other concern I have is the periodic lack of capitalization of "I". If it was never capitalized (think e.e. cummings), then it could feasibly be construed that you were doing it purposefully but the sporadic differences just make it seem like an oversight.

    Because both of the rules I specifically laid out were not followed, I am not enthralled with this poem. However, I do sincerely hope that you take my criticism constructively as it is not given to, in any way, to belittle or upset you but to help you grow as a writer.

    Thank you for your entry and best of luck in my contest.

    - Bean Sidhe


  • Demon Vampire 2
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    once again truy amazing. its unbeiliviable just i dont know what to say. there are to many ways i can relate. awesome write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Graciee
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    I love this piece. Great repetition, I love the stanza;
    "I cant believe that i didnt see,
    That i was the one who did this to me.
    I can see your words like a ghost in the night,
    As right then and there my feelings did fight..."
    It a very powerful peice, with a great story behind it. Thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest.


  • ubercrazygirl gold member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    awww this is unbelievably deep and I can relate to it all. Great penning!


  • shattered.frisco
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Hrm...So this poem wasn't even written for my contest with the idea of the prompt in mind? I only opened pre-writes for the soul fact that the terms are universal, but I guess this meets it. I enjoyed reading this, interesting in the least. Thanks for entering and good luck!

    ej


  • halfpast4ever
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    i loved it, of course i always love your poetry. i can relate to this piece, so much sadness, and so much lonliness, but remember no matter where you are you're never alone. there are plenty of people here to help you get through it. 1. god, keep him close he'll always understand, 2. me, were kinda close dontcha think? and i would never ever let you think you didnt have anyone. keep your head high, things will eventually start playing out in your favor.

    <3 karebear

  • MusicOfTheNight9
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    Great job! Sad and descriptive! Good luck in your contests!


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    that was awesome. i loved it. great job with the repetition of kicking stones. clever imagery and powerful emotions. brutally powerful emotions.
    best of luck in the contest.
    write on
    ~*~SP~*~


  • C J Weatherholt
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Such a very sad write hunni, but has very powerful emotions packed in. Amazing job!

    ~Sis~

1 - 10 of 10