There’s poison in this foxglove
There’s power in this dragon’s breath
Mix it with this bloody dove
Pinch of hemlock, ivy, hyacinth
Stir the cauldron, black as witch’s heart
Burn it down with hell’s fire
An evil concoction will soon impart
Knowledge of wickedness, desire
Breathe in its sour pungent fumes
Inhale its sinful darkness deep
Born from these toxic blooms
The power of the final sleep
One droplet, one bead to kill your foes
Death administered by tea
No need for fear, no one knows
A quenching drink for an enemy
What did you think?
Comments
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Very picturesque
The imagery in your poem is brilliant. I really liked the 3rd stanza, it appeals to the senses. I also liked the line "Knowledge of wickedness, desire"
The only thing is I find the line: "Pinch of hemlock, ivy, hyacinth" harder to roll off the tongue with the rest of the poem.
Well done on a great poem and thankyou for commenting on mine!
~Letitia -
A Beautiful Beguiling Brew
Vamp,
I love the theme here- a witches brew invokes a great deal of imagery, and you have magnified that through your impeccable word choice and solid rhyme and meter. I personally love:
"There’s poison in this foxglove
There’s power in this dragon’s breath
Mix it with this bloody dove
Pinch of hemlock, ivy, hyacinth"
A perfect way to grab out attention and suck us in to your tale. For the most part your rhyme was perfection, the only line I am having trouble with is "Stir the cauldron, black as witch’s heart". Seems to slow the pace which is building throughout.
I also really enjoyed:
"Breathe in its sour pungent fumes
Inhale its sinful darkness deep
Born from these toxic blooms
The power of the final sleep"
The toxic imagery is flawless, and wretched (in a good way). It has the air of "Muahahhah, take a sip my pretty"
Loved it! Keep up the great work. I look forward to reading more of your work!
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I liked this piece! I love how you describe so well the smells and sights, It makes me feel as though I'm there and you're teaching me how to get rid of my enemies! I am also diggin' the flow of this!
Great penning!
Brea
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The poem first caught me by naming some herbs and poisons I happen to know. You pain such a vivid picture in the readers mind, but also draw an emotional link, in the fact that you can remember a time when you could have used this potion. A very "nice" write.
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