She bent and felt
between her legs
the thinning of flesh
that had given birth
to a million lies
a yawning chasm
of self evasion
of fear and loathing
lay bloody and squalling
amid the wetness of
spilled amniotic fluid
looking down with
tender eyes upon
the innocence of her
youth
she laughed, mouth
gaping and ate
her own beginnings
Comments
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Seems a bit on the strong side
You have used powerful words and phrases, and faintly suggest to me the classical idea of Saturn eating his children; he was not the only offender. It might mean all sorts of things: but what then is the purpose of writing at all? You write to communicate, and even when going out of one's way to be as lucid as possible, in whatever style best suits, it frequently happens that the reader picks up something else. If, then, you say that it is a great thing that people get different things from the same poem, what was the point? If I ask for a cup of tea, I want tea, not cocoa. If I say I like you, I hope that you will not interpret that as meaning I hate you; and so on. In other words,clarity is all, and the way that a poet dresses it, should enhance,not obscure, that clarity and meaning.
My view.
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loved it
i am like the others -- not quite sure what YOU meant by all this -- but i know how it made me feel and what the poem made me think of...
to me, it's like someone realizing all the wrongs they've done. thinking about the past. touching on it for a moment and realizing that they've committed themselves to a life lost. they started out innocent -- but in the end things went askew and reality kicked in. the birth of lies, cheating, lusting over things that are impure, over indulging, glutinous actions, and all the things that make average people -- average. then, knowing it's wrong and instead of retracting those wrongs and trying to make them right you eat your new beginnings -- and just continue in the never ending cycle of sin and abuse. like a drug addict and his drug -- you may be clean but you will forever be tainted and taunted by your poison. if it makes sense at all.
i loved the poem by the way -- and loved the slight chill it gave me. but, id love to know what your real intentions were for this poem -- and what was the real meaning behind it all.
great write :3
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well...i'll be honest..you just interpreted my own poem for me! lol!! sometimes i am just in a mood...i dwell a lot and these are the things my mind turns over and over!! thank you so much for your comment!!
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this is an interesting poem, I'm not sure if get the whole gist of it, but I like it.
I think the person commenting below must be referring to the umbilical cord...and when you said in your poem in lines 16, 17 &18:
"she laughed, mouth gaping and ate her own beginnings"
you can't help but think of a dog giving birth...and then eating the placenta,chewing off the umbilical cord of the pups.
I don't understand why you chose Inanimate Existence as a title...
I'd love to hear your thoughts behind this one. I know sometimes when I write, I write concise and clear, and then at other times, a bit obscure. It's funny how so many poets leave things open for interpretation...and somebody will say "oh, I get this" or "WTF"?
This one kind of leaves you in between the two, and that's not a bad thing.
keep on writing!
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This is a bit grim! I have never tried chewing on the mummy tube - what's it like?
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I'm not entirely sure what the mummy tube is?? actually not at all!!
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