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A busy day with Jake




With two tin cans and a length of string there's nothing he can't do
His troops can hear every word he says and then he's phoning you
His best friend Jake has brought his bike some cars and a cardboard box
The garden shed is the squad HQ and its flag is a pair of socks

At ten past two the Martians land and try to take control
So he grabs his can and he calls a strike from the teddy bear patrol
His best friend Jake climbs on his bike and mounts a headlong charge
He's side by side with a dinosaur and an Action Man called Sarge

The Martians break, their rocket tree is blasting off for Mars
While he calls pursuit in his spaceman suit and a fleet of old toy cars
Now his best friend Jake on his bright red bike can stay around for tea
But first of all they must make a call booking tea for two at three

There are two tin cans joining man to the Moon where they're eating chips and cheese
And there's Woof Dog too and a cat or two and it's really quite a squeeze
Since his best friend Jake won't leave his bike that is parked right by the side
Of the cardboard box that is on the Moon where the first tin can is tied

When it's time for bed he won't hear you call if it's not down can and string
But you'll have to wait while they land their crate that is packed with everything
Soon his best friend Jake rides home by bike (since he only lives next door)
No more time for play till another day when they'll do a whole lot more!





Author notes

For Americans "Action Man" is what "GI Joe" is called in the UK.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15
  • amysticwriter silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    What a great imagination you have. So many options and ways to play with the tin can phones. Very interesting. lol...


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply

    Double Boffo!

    This piece captures the spirit of boyhood.
    You'll probably fiddle a line, a few words, but this is inspired, Jeff.
    Luvit.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Masterful penning in rhyme and flow, as imagery, imagination keeps us reading till the end...My goodness I think I see you in it all....Your childhood must have been full of wonder with a friend named Jake perhaps, or some other brilliant little boy living in your land of adventures...A delight to read! All the best in the contest!


    • cricketjeff gold member
      October 14
      Edit | Reply
      The poem is mostly from my imagination, with a few shades of my own children and a large slice of a small boy I met about a week ago.

  • ThEcHoSeNoNe
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is brilliant, it takes me back the days when i was a child, with no worries and bundles of innocence. I think you capture the good old days of being a child very well here, it took me back at least. The flow is a little off at times though, so maybe work at this. But overall a very good write, enjoyed it very much.


  • Sonya-Erasmus silver member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it.
    You have a wonderful way of coloring in your characters.
    You take a scene and blow life into it with your descriptions.
    Best wishes
    Sonya

  • Purrsanthema
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    A lot of fun! They're still using that hi tech can and string over there? I've heard from a relative that the old children's rhymes we used and that were used for centuries are now discarded. It's nice to know that something stays the same!

    A fun read!


  • Phoenix Rising
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    this is cute and i can just see him doing that
    good luck in the contest


  • S.Hunt
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    A fun read. The poem flows pretty smoothly. The only part that seems a bit awkward to me is in stanza 3, lines 3 and 4. However, the overall poem is light and playful, with vivid imagery. I enjoyed the read, it reminded me of watching my son play when he was 6 or 7 years old. Thanks for sharing.
    You could rephrase these two lines to read -
    Now his best friend Jake on his bright red bike can stay around for (lunch)
    But first of all they must make a call (confirming a spaceman hunch)
    Good luck!

    • cricketjeff gold member
      October 14
      Edit | Reply
      The Martians only landed at ten past two bit late for a nearly-four-year old's lunch

      I can see what you mean, sort of, but I read it in a sort of garbled tetrameter

      But first of all | they must make a call | booking tea for two | at three

      where the "at three" is after a breath if I do the same with

      But first of all | they must make a call | (confirming a space | man hunch)

      puts the breath in the middle of spaceman which stops me dead in my tracks

      I shall continue to think on it, thank-you very much for your careful and thoughtful comment


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Great fun - A A Milne for the late 20c. Now all we have to do is clue you in to Wii and Xbox and you'll be in the 21c.

    Not bad.


  • minxybrookes
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this one! It reminds me of another poem I ust read n here today, Thanks for sharing and I wish you lick in your contest!


  • TGeiger
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    a good look at the life of a boy children form their ideas from us, and this isa good poem thanks for sharing this with us.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 13
    Edit | Reply
    wonderfully penned.
    Enjoyed this piece
    Thanks for sharing

    Good luck in the contest

    Love
    Tory


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply

    BRILLIANT

    This is brilliant ... you have bought two little boys to life and given them the kind of adventures any young boys would love to have (even little boys who are 51 and a quarter!!!)

    Great fun ...

    Sue
    x

1 - 15 of 15