wispy, misted-over
like underwater eyes
like an overdose of deliquescent grain, fermenting,
collecting in the retinas,
dissolving it all in acidic rivulets with its sullen slosh.
and it's hard to tell if you're really there,
or if vengeful neurons, irate with neglect,
merely taunt me
pushing dusty rusted buttons long unused
to coalesce this milky molten blur into
your murkily manifest memory.
it's as if you're standing there,
telling me it was never anything but
streetlights, shadows, and October leaves,
anyway.
Author notes
I N T O O T H A N D C L A W.
Prompt: http://i569.photobucket.com/albums/ss135/NoseRingGirl/DSCN2151.jpg
The title is a play on words. "Anemone" is a kind of flower. "Mnemonic" refers to memory. There's also a slight suggestion of the stinging of the sea anemone, which is an invertebrate tidepool/shallow-sea animal that somewhat resembles a flower.
A contest entry
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Softly special
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amazing imagery and congratulations on the gold...
good luck
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The last stanza actually made me catch my breath -it was that beautiful. This entire poem is supremely well done. Congratulations on the gold, you really deserved it.
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I like the play on words you have going on here. words not commonly used in poems but filled to the brim with depth. love it. great job.
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Good imagery
Definitely a poem to provoke thought, and it did for me. The imagery was nice, and I like the vague feeling of hope then being let down at the end.
One thing I personally would change is the more clinical terms.. "retinas", "neurons".. maybe a silly suggestion but just personally for me that takes away a bit from the feeling.
Anyway, it was an enjoyable read. Thank you
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Mm..
1. Nice words
2 Nice sounds
3 Meaning clearish
4 Nice ending
I don't think the play on words quite worked. A different poem might haave used the plucking of an anemone's petals in the way that children do with varioous flowers, to predict their future, but instead, each would be some fragment of the past, but this was not it.
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That's an interesting concept, with the petals. I like it. But I have to note that that's far from the only possible image to be implied with the words I chose. It's a personal symbol, though, so I wasn't expecting anyone else to fully perceive it anyhow. There's as much or more 'sea anenome' to it as 'flower'.
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i love love love your poetry...it captures so much...like you've caught on to the tail end of our fleeting emotions and spun them into memories!!!awesome!!
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