i pressed pause on my ipod but didn’t take the headphones off.
i could hear the sound of my own footsteps, rubbing against rough stone. it felt like someone was walking along with me. i liked that feeling.
lizards scurried across my path, rushing to cross the road before this giant torpedo crushed them. they had hungry babies back home, sitting around a white table, waiting patiently for their evening tea... they must rush rush rush before the bakery ran out of fresh things.
somewhere a man was making loud guttural sounds, teaching his son lawn tennis-
das ist gut
i stopped. i’d smelled something. i went back, and this time the smell was faint, not so distinct. i looked up and saw some plants in a window- ferns. nothing to warrant such a soft scent. i shrugged.
some things deserve to be mysterious-
like hiccups, and heroes in old detective movies
mating rituals of tahari tribe
whales
and soft-scented love stories that lie like a five year old.
Author notes
charcoal
prompt: http://princess-of-shadows.deviantart.com/art/untold-fairy-tales-stock-pack-138631076
A contest entry
- For My Favorites :] by HereComesTheSun.
900 points, ended October 14, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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i really liked this. interesting prose. :-) enjoyed.
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you are fantastic.
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Amazing imagery and I felt like I was there. Excellent.
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you gave me a scene i felt heard and saw.
brilliant
thanks for entering -
it looks as if the prompt was removed, but i dont really need to see it anyway because you have drawn it out in my own mind... and it's probably much better than what the prompt was.
those little things that go unnoticed because we are too busy with our own likes and needs, are ones you bring out here. i love that. i like those little things... noticing that some flowers bloom before others, that the tire on the front of the little boy's tricyle is flat, that the man next door sings to no music as he cuts the lawn. it's those times that we remove oursleves from our own busy life that we can look at those things and end up getting more out of it than if we kept focused on ourselves.
love it.
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Here's a cookie for them
lizzards. Hope they like cookies.
Joe -
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only if it's ginger chocolate (:
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~~~lizards scurried across my path, rushing to cross the road before this giant torpedo crushed them. they had hungry babies back home, sitting around a white table, waiting patiently for their evening tea... they must rush rush rush before the bakery ran out of fresh things.~~
Imagery to the 10th degree. I admire your work so much.
Joe
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love the second stanza...in winter, on those really cold days, when the snow crunches beneath foot, I always find myself feeling soothed...the sound alone makes it feel as though I'm not alone. Lovely penning
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o.o this is amazing. "some things deserve to be mysterious-
like hiccups, and heroes in old detective movies
mating rituals of tahari tribe
whales
and soft-scented love stories that lie like a five year old."
wow. that ending is unbelievable. bookmarking this.
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What a soft gentle poem. Very clear. Really provoked a lot of sensual images.
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The prompt has been removed... but it doesn't matter, this stands on it's own anyway. I often walk with my headphones on, but listening to nothing, it's like i'm saying to others ' i won't hear you, so leave me alone' . In a small town, it's necessary if you want to get anywhere. lol. I loved where you went, the sounds, the smells... and yeah, the ending was perfect.
I love your mind.
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It's contemplating the mysterious that elevates the mundane and makes lizards into housewives and love with all it's bagage into soft-scented fairy tales. Love the use of stream of conscious, moment by moment detail as your thoughts weave imagination into the fabric of a simple walk.
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a family of little lizards sitting around the dining room table... magic
now i'm going to think of lizards sitting a table whenever i see one scurry past YAY!!
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das ist gut
- i take german.
i agree.
das ist sehr, sehr gut!
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I like the way you intertwine all the senses though your poem. The sense of smell can be an evocative sense! Brilliant!
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