"watch the flame rise from the belly of the beast
and consume such birds of a feather.
The burning carcase of hanging ruble,
as the buildings crumble at it's will!"
crimson streams of blood
from lives allready spent,
Flowing methodically down the street.
Scattered papers and pieces of life,
here and there, from
the now fleshless magots that fill our
unconcience minds.
the soldiers from hell
patroll the streets
for some remnance of life
They march towards my forgotten body
searshing for the thing they yearn most
the flesh still clinging to my bones
is there only chance of survival
the animosity of the town killing us all
if not dead by life then dead by sole
left to wonder aimlessly
in the silence of paine and suffering
forgetting all the good there once was
those memories gone
replaced by the chaoss in front of them
the feeling of no more paine
Author notes
ok well this is a poem that im writing for my 10th grade english class we had to choose a picture and write about it so i got a flyer for a concert called "small towns burn a little slower" it has some skelletons and a dragon and every thing was on fire. but yeah trialeyes helped me write it. thanx alot! and my rough draft is due monday and then final is due on tuesday so if you guys have any ideas on how i could change it or what i could add or take away it would be greatly appreciated thanx! laterz ~X2c~ o yea and i am not any kind of special member so i cant put a picture on
Written April 10th, 2004
A contest entry
- The future cannot exist without the past.... by Blank Page.
400 points, ended September 28, 2004, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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This was a very dark example of how creepy and effective this type of poetry is when offered up with such thorough imagery. I'm glad to have read it. There may be a few minor misspellings ("it's", "allready", "unconcience", "searshing", "sole", "paine", "chaoss") unless those are spelled that way in particular... then I appologize. Otherwise this poem rocks and definitely get its point about what evil truly is painted clearly. Great word usage!
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8
I liked this poem a lot infact it was poetic justice in my sense... I loved it .... thank you for your entry ...THE DARK... -
the whole wrold is gonna go to fuckin hell
this waz great and really discripteve!
lol
well i love ur poem! keep it up!
later days
*blackcat* -
You have the talent to write, but you bring up the theme of your poem too abruptly. You have no metaphors or anything of the like, all of your ideas are just out there. Give your readers a hard time. Force them to have to sit there and figure out your poem, while not making it completely confusing.
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You my man are a deep one such vivid imagination ... such senseless cruelity yet such sensible thought behind it all ...BRILLIANT....THE DARK
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I hope you got an A+ for writing this, It is awesome.
Huntress
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I enjoyed the overall feeling of this poem.. the title is what really caught my eye- "Small towns burn a little slower" I think it's cool where you got the idea from- inspiration really does come from anything. There were quite a few spelling errors, but otherwise this was a nice write.
Thank you, also, for you comment on my poem
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This is very good, I'd love to see the flyer you based it off of. You had several spelling errors, but those are easily fixable. Good job, thank you so much for entering the contest.
~whisper
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Definitely spellcheck.
You do a great job of showing your frustration and anger about (if I'm reading the symbolism correctly) being stuck in a small town. I hated the small town I lived in when I was in school. -
"the soldiers from hell
patroll the streets
for some remnance of life
They march towards my forgotten body"
I think you've captured it. A little extreme for my taste, but hey, whatever fits the picture. I think it's very good.
Elle
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I think you've written a very vividly enticing poem, X2csquared. It sounds about like the small town in which I grew up....everyone knew what everyone else was doing and gossip spread like wildfire.
I was going to point out the little mispellings but I see that Brittany has already brought them to your attention....except for one.... 'dead by sole'... I think should be 'dead by soul'?? Be sure to correct them before handing this assignment in.
Very good
Dee
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i KNOW some one can tell me what to change other than spelling!! oi this project is becomming difficult im thinking that i need to add something inbetween is there only chance of survival
the animosity of the town killing us all and i know there must be other parts that arent linked very well so HELP! -
It Rocks.
This is VERY well written, I'm amazed! I'm so glad you are able to express what's inside you like this. It was very eerie, definately a stand-out on this site. -
Well.. this was hauntingly interesting.... I enjoyed it very much..
Can't wait to see more
Blessed Be
Lilli
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Enjoy the title and the theme. A interesting write. Seems to scatter itself a bit too much for it's concept. I feel too fast of a burn coming from your words. You've got the skills to write though, keep goin.
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Well beings you have to have the final draft in by tuesday I'll help a tiny bit but only with the typo's cause those are important though!
First one: "searshing for the thing they yearn most"--Searching
Second: "in the silence of paine and suffering"--Pain (Unless you meant to write it like that?)-its in the last sentance too-
Third: "replaced by the chayoss in front of them" Chaos-no y, and only one s trust me on this one I was in a band called Chaos so I got the spelling down pretty quick! Anyways the poem was just awesome though! I loved it! Atfirst I was expecting it to relate to my small town that I live in but after reading it I was still pleased so fret not Its great! Keep it up and good luck with the assignment!
~Brittany -
this poem is really cool. i keep getting this picture in my head from world war two and the holocaust and how the jews were killed. i just keep picturing that this is a town and the soldiers from hell are the nazis. its so cool that i can totally picture this poem in my mind coming to life and that body, just laying there unattened to, ignored, neglected. that is really sad. the poor soul. it is sad to knwo that things liek this have happened in the past. very sad
well anywas. great write.
Love always,
Anya~~
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charming place.
hey` this is great writing and you use the contents very well indeed, it sounds like a charming place to live...lol, you write very graphicly and the reader can close their eyes and feel hate in the air. awesome little poem.. infact I will even applaud it. well done and happy scribbling.
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