Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Road (II)

Walking down a country road,
Sunshine streaming from the heavens-
Like confetti from rooftops-
A perfect day.
With a carefree path to follow.
Whistling birds
Singing a jaunty tune.

And as the road continues-
It slowly fades away
To a wild forest trail
With surprises around every corner.
Travel cautious-
Around each turn and up ahead
So many rocks, easily stumbled on
A dangerous path to walk upon.

Author notes

This is for english class. it needs to be edited a lot, i know. I actually edited my other road poem to make it this one. Any editing ideas would be welcomed!
thanks Ember
Written April 10th, 2004

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • VioletTears
    April 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hey...is this your Mr. Walker poem?


  • VioletTears
    April 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Truly a work of expression and beauty

    What is this? A Poem Weirdo did not tell weirdo about? hmmmm.



    YAY WEIRDO!!! YOU GOT IMAGERY!! BEAUTIFUL wONDERFUL!!!! AND IT DOES NOT SUCK!! IF YOU THINK IT DOES THAN YOU CAN...ua...ummm...GO SUCK AN EGG!! YEA!! YOU HEARD ME!!



    i really am losing it....


    lots 'o' lovers

    lol
    Weirdo


  • BonnieQ silver member
    April 11, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This free verse has wonderful imagery touching not only our sense of sight but hearing and tactile feeling as well. It flows rather smoothly, too. Whether intended or not, this piece also provides a message: life is not all smooth roads, some are rocky and dangerous paths we should tread quite carefully. Combining all these pluses, I feel you have a complete poem requiring nothing more than what you have penned; albeit, punctuation could be improved upon but not an absolute necessity.

    Well done, poet. Love and hugs, BonnieQ (editor, Waltsan Publishing)
    Edited on Apr 11, 1:57 because ''.

  • meetthejetsons
    April 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The placement of line breaks just seemed to make it really choppy to me, perhaps it's just me but maybe you could get rid of some of the lind breakes or use commas instead of a hyphenation. Other then that I like the imagery

    Robin

  • Mikey
    April 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    pretty, good, the only thing is that the last part seems to just end. you talk of how the road fades into a path, and then, all of the sudden, its over. i would maybe try to add just a bit more to not make it so anti-climactiv. good write though. i liked it a lot.
    ~mikey~


  • swcaitlin18
    April 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I think it's just fine the way it is. Was there any particular aspect you wanted changed? I liked it, nice job.
    ~Cait~

1 - 6 of 6