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Red rivers remind us of humanity.

Am I really that insignificant?
The pawn in your plans that once my purpose
Is served I got tossed to one side, used nevermore?
It's hard to decide what mask to wear these days...
They're all so cracked, and ugly and faded with the
Dusts of time, and inside I rot with them.

It's like everything and nothing, happens, snaps
Gone in an instant into infantile nightmares that haunt
Me while I wake and yet leave me in cold dark silence while
I sleep, knowing there they cannot break me as effectively as
During my waking moments, my alert pensivity, my progressive death.

I wish I could taste comfort, suckle at the teat of companionship,
Know even for a moment that this fleck of life which burns within
And yet weakens by the day due to growing insanity and ever bearing
Cold fronts... has a reason for being other than to serve the fleshly
Lust of others, to destroy those who cannot sit high upon a pedestal.
Even if I sleep, tonight, tomorrow, a thousand days or more...

I will wake to this nightmare once again.

Author notes

I've not been myself for some time now, I guess this is just a release I needed to stop myself snapping.

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Comments

  • Topnotchsy
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful write here. The opening sentence starts with a bang, and the poem is well written. I do hope that this provided a bit of a release and you are feeling a bit better.

  • aychellus gold member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow!! now is the winter of your discontent good sir, good freeform,good read plenty of depth and angst!! well done


  • catz Moderators member
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    We all have our demons, Phil and sometimes the demon is ourselves. Afraid to let people see us as we are, we hide behind a mask, whichever one seems to fit the best at the moment. But the mask can hide only so much.

    Take heart, my friend, our needs will be answered. Happiness can take only so much stifling before it must burst forth in smiles.

    An excellent rant, though and perhaps a much needed release.

    Dee


  • Stegofreak
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    I think perhaps you should question whether or not it is the masks themselves that are causing your problems. The world needs to know the real Phil, and you shouldn't hide it. Your poetry shows a side of you that you do not readily display in the external world. Poetically you speak as a...hmm...bit of a Michael Jackson. You're constantly chasing a stability that you feel you never got growing up.

    Conversly though you have a very agressive personality. Your poety suggests that you want friendship but in reality you're so paranoid about the motives of others that you end up pushing people away. We are all pawns, whether it's in the great scheme of things or in the lives of others. Remember, they're just as insignificant as you and don't dwell on it.

    Personally, I'll freely admit to the over-use of two masks in particular. Firstly, and the one you're most familiar with, it the mast of the fanatical moralist. I know I'm deluding myself into believing that all people have good in them but the mask helps me overlook the fact that we are, to a man, entirely corruptable. The lowest moments in my life come when I let that mask slip and as a result those closest to me come under the most flak.

    I guess what I'm saying is that masks don't help anyone but the wearer. Sure we can delude ourselves that they hide from people what they cannot face but in reality we're just hiding what we feel that they don't want to see. Go out, show yourself to the world, you'll be surprised that not everyone will be there to knock you down.