Life came through her garden, humming
ageless songs within her throat.
She snipped here and there seeking
in her arbitrary way some perfection.
Twigs and withered blossoms fell
to rest and decay in soft tended loam.
Here and there a solitary bud caught
her eye and she raised shears to remove
some hint--crease or brown--of imperfection.
He was nipped in the bud,
the briefest snow white broke
though green, ready for light.
But was it frost or cruel shears--
he knew not. Just instant loss...
If he ran blood through those
unspread petals it might have felt
like a broken heart, crushed
in the clutches of unrealized
potential. The fullness of sun
hardly seen, barely felt, never known.
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
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My my my.
This is absolutely a stunning piece of art you've penned here.
I especially liked the beginning of the second stanza.
I am not sure why, but that part stood out the most;
Though you penned the piece as a whole so wonderfully. -
Hello Zahar...very well written indeed....thanks for sharing.
Rahbar. -
Very Deep
This is excellent writing and the metaphors in it leave you with a vivid image. I think that you are very talented in this and the poem does make you think. I like that because sometimes some poetry is very dry and not inspiring. This is and frankly don't change it.
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Brilliant!
I must say, I was captured by the eloquent essence of this piece! I can still feel the shiver in my spine. Kudos!
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Great! Thank you. Spine shivers are good. That means something got through as you read.
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Beautifully written, I loved the flow and the strength of the words you chose. My one problem with it was how different your first and second stanza were in terms of form... each line in one was one length (around) the second stanza had an entirely different length to the lines. I felt that it might unify it a bit more if your stanzas were more similar, especially as they were on two different perspectives. It was an excellent poem nonetheless your imagery was amazing. My favorite part was 'Twigs and withered blossoms fell/ to rest and decay in soft tended loam. It is very smoothly written and feels free and unforced.
Thank's for writing!
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Sometimes cosmetic/metric differences can be a vehicle for tone and tenor. This was at least the idea when I allowed it for this piece.
I have a feeling you'd go for the synthetic odes I've posted. There's a lot more metrical coherency between the first two portions (in fact, exact!). There's also a lot of metrical consistency between all three parts of my trisects. My free verse tends to be exactly that, free.
Yet you liked! Which of course I'm delighted to hear. I'll enjoy seeing how your form-oriented eye responds to some of my more structured posts.
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What an interesting perspective. I really enjoyed this. Thank you. Oh - "sheers" are thin curtains you can see through. "Shears" are cutting utensils. Lovely poem, anyway.
celtic queen
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Ah, yeah. I fixed that. Thanks for drawing my attention to that. Now I'm going to have to properly use "sheers" in a poem to prove I'm not an idiot. :-p
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This is really beautiful. It's so soft and delicate, but carries so much weigh in it's words. My favourite part -
"If he ran blood through those
unspread petals it might have felt
like a broken heart, crushed
in the clutches of unrealized
potential."
The imagery in that is incredible. I can see it in my head... both the petals AND a literally broken heart (as disgusting as that concept is in reality).
Well done - I loved this!
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Thanks! Glad you enjoyed this.
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Oh, I love this! The image of Life as a woman tending her garden is gorgeous, it makes me wish I'd thought of something like this! My favorite lines were "If he ran blood through those/ unspread petals it might have felt/ like a broken heart, crushed/ in the clutches of unrealized potential." Utterly amazing.
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Well I've been watching Life tend her garden for awhile now. Perhaps this is where that's come from. It's one of those things that just takes a bit of time stuck in the garden to appreciate.
Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
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Beutiful
I am there with you as you related.
Well done.
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Thank you, Sir. Yes, I'm sure most frustrated artists can relate.
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