Dear you,

Dear you,

You made me aware that I take up space,
that the girl staring at me in the mirror was ugly
caused that girl to smother herself, trapped, caught.

Everything you screamed through
nine year old ribs
nailed into my glass heart.

I watched the peices fall to the floor
and peirced my hands picking them back up,
over and over I opened up.
But you never noticed the trail of blood,
nor the dead corpse of who I was on the doormat.

I played your game for thirteen years, it ends now,
you can't break me.

By the way I am beautiful just the way I am.

Love,
the daughter you can't read


Dear you,

I keep thinking back to you,
drowning in October air.

By now you were fully submerged,
it was all you could do but to exist.
Your hair wasn't washed,
sweatpants and sweatshirts was all
you wore.

You looked around math class
wondering who else was depressed enough
to want to die on the car ride home.

You deepened to plum color
as you internally screamed as tears hit the floor,
and I remember you asking the sky how many
more times will you open up again
until it all ends?

I know it was just one.
I promise you'll be okay. Trust me, I know.

Love,
Yourself a year later

Dear You,

How long has it been since I've felt You?
The last time I felt You,
was the last time I felt alive.

Now I just merely exist,
allow days to pass me by
but somehow I don't care
as long as time keeps going and doesn't stop.

Do you remember the day
I repeated over and over again
that I just wanted to fucking die.

I ran around the house screaming,
asked myself why I was here,
when I have nothing going for me?

Do you remember how I crashed the floor
begged for you to take it all?

Almost a year later,
I can't feel You
even though You have changed me in so
many ways that I don't recognize myself anymore.

It's been so long since we've talked,
been so long since I've wanted You more
than anything.

I know I need to surrender
but I don't want too,
I can't let my heart defeat my mind this time.
Please just push me?

How can I doubt Your existence
when I am living proof that You are there?

How can I not want You more than anything anymore?
What happened?


Push me. Please. Push me.

Love,
In much need of surrender