Come back to me ...
I cannot be without you.
Your silence is deafening.
My life is twisted without you.
You are my life blood,
My beautiful.
There never was a thing,
In my wild heart except your love.
But still I ran after quick wealth.
You are my life,
My Sweet...
Forgive me.
I turn back today,
and you are far, and your heart
is a small vessel receding horizon
Come back to me.... please.
Author notes
prompt 2
"and your heart is a small vessel receding horizon"
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A contest entry
- 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1077 entries
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Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Ahww this is sweet and tender. Short but powerfull
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pretty. not emotive, but it has emotion in it, that is shown with every line. it does lack that magic, that extra shallott in potato soup.
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well-penned piece......fits the prompt without question......hope you win.....love peace & harmony
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And I remember the "Meghdootam" of the Great poet Kalidas once again.
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sweet and to the point..a poem that does get to the heart of the matter..a bit short in content but i find it be passionate and it follow the prompt nicely..well done
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In reading this I feel the passion being being shown to the writers lost love..begging for he/she to come back. Well done, well written
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good piece...full of emotions n ur longin' n sadness r beautifully depicted..
gr8 flow n background too...
good luck for d contest..
take care
~Parth
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This is definitely a good poem, but you could explain the story a bit more, probably. what happened, for example. Or if you want to leave that open, which would be fine as well, you could write a bit more about your feelings and what you miss etc. Just a suggestion. I like how your desperation shows, though.
Especially the last line gives me goosebumps. Was that on purpose that you made 4 dots and not 3 as it is common? Either way, keep it like that, because it makes it even more dramatic, and the reader is excited for the end.
Thank you for sharing
Cherish, dream, live
Joey
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thank you so much for the comment
yes I deliberately put those four dots... Just trying to underline the protagonists longing to return to his former life.
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I think it could have been a little more detailed...but I do like it. background looks amzing 2. I believe that it may come off as begging a little, but that may just be the crying of your heart...which makes it fine.
great write...good luck!!
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That sounds so lonely.
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I can see your plead in this; a plead of the heart and soul! We all have our times of straying away, but all we can do is find oursleves again!
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I like though I'm afraid your prompt is 3 fries short of a complete sentence
well written! -CC
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Yeah it is but what to do I did not make the prompt... just used it... however I am sure it can be interpreted in other ways also.... Maybe the judge wanted to see various interpretations
Thank you for the comment...
Aalta
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Excellent
This work is very good, a love lost because of greed drifts away to a place from which it can not return. Very enjoyable.
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This is a great peice
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This is beautifully touching and wonderfully romantic, and sad. Overall, a great write! thanks for this.
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A lot of strong emotion in this one. You describe that very well, but it might do better to include more metaphors, or develop the small vessel metaphor a bit more. Emotions are often the fuel for writing poetry, but they can be used to drive strong metaphors. This poem is straight fuel, which makes it powerful - a good thing - but I think using more concrete imagery might drive home the point more. Good start with this piece friend!
Cordially, Iliad Keys
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Thank you for the wonderful comment and suggestion...
Aalta
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Very much a heartfelt write, the person certainly would at least turn and look over thier shoulders at the very least.
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yes everybody turns back once.... its just the matter of whether that person is moved by what he sees or not....
thank you for the lovely comment
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Beautifully conveyed.
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So heartful lovely thank you for sharing this and oh how i wish i could say that to someone come back to me
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hey... thank you for the lovely comment... but you should not wish that. saying that to someone means you have lost that person once and that should not happen..... I hope it does not happen to you or anyone else... including me All the best
Aalta
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beautiful
nice write
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Wow, this is beautifully sad! This is something that I know so many people can relate to. I love all of the emotions and sincerity in your words. You did a wonderful job expressing yourself here and I hope that you do well with it! Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us and keep up the wonderful work here!
Jeremy0826
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I really like this! The feelings come through clearly, though I'm not sure all the ... helps your affect. Only in the very last stanza does it truly work, good work! good luck in the contest!
x
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some beautiful imagery filled with tearpainted emotions dear poet an excellent work of wordart
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I found this very poignant; you captured well the yearning of lost love. I especially liked the line, there was never a thing in my wild heart except your love.
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awww this is so good,,i love it
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"Come back to me.... please." I know how it feels to lose the one you love and want the person back with all your heart Anyway, great job on this and best of luck to you in the contest.
-Steve-
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Thanks Steve....
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You're welcome
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