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a story of a boy

the wind is blowing westward tonight and i hope that maybe i'll get a piece of you because a piece is all i really need to be happy. my high school textbooks haven't taught me anything about this so i'm on my own. i'm not sure if i should move left or right. maybe i should back up and give you space or maybe you'd like it if i moved closer to you and held your hand.  the air smells like stale gasoline and i swear under my breath as i trip in the sand.  i didn't intend to make a fool of myself tonight but i'm sure that's what i'll end up doing.





you shiver when i tug the hem of your shirt over your head but my hands are warm against your sides.  i left my troubles at the train station so you don't have to worry about those.  "you have ocean eyes" i said and you said "burn with me" and i said "what?" and you said "i want to burn.  i want to burn and i want you to come with me" and i said "okay" even though i had no idea what i was getting myself into.





"the full moon is nothing compared to your eyes" i said.  you said "i love you" so i took your hand and ran as fast as i could, dragging you along with me.  there are albatrosses over the interstate and cars speed past as we try to keep up.  you have your sunglasses on still even though its ten at night on a beach in boston.  you whispered "you haven't lived until you feel like dying" and i'm not sure how true that is but i let you say it anyway.





you said "you can't be whole until you've been broken" and i said "please don't break me".

Author notes

y o u h a d m e - a t h e l l o .

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • n.e.o.n
    November 16
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    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good piece on young love. I liked the imagery - it was so bittersweet to me. Nice depth as well. Nothing more to say.

    You've made it to the next round.


  • ZachP gold member
    November 12
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    Edit | Reply
    this is . . . beautifully written

    "you have ocean eyes" just made my heart melt.

    You have the perfect combination of imagery and storytelling here; a true test of skill!

    and I can definitely relate to the textbooks line. I've found that now that i'm out on my own in the world, I'm having to learn things about love and relationships, that my parents were never able to show me.

    I am just . . . blown away.

    Well done, love. Thanks for entering.

    Zach Estel


  • Antebellum
    November 12
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    Edit | Reply
    "you can't be whole until you've been broken"
    wow.
    this is so true. I've been there, I understand that perfectly.
    This is incredible.
    my high school textbooks haven't taught me anything about this so i'm on my own.
    ....gosh this is amazing.
    thanks for entering.

  • fearlesslyBroken
    November 5

    Edit | Reply

    my oh my

    this is just amazing. truly it is. i mean you had me from the title and then i started reading and couldnt stop and i had to re-read things so it could capture me in the moment. you are amazing. now im going to go read all your other ones
    my favorite is the ending, it took my breath away from it being so honest and heartfelt.


  • etoile
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    my high school textbooks haven't taught me anything about this so i'm on my own.
    ---
    shit.
    this is like me totally and completely. I started highlighting the rest of the paragraph while I was reading to copy it into the comment thing, and then I got to the paragraph after and it was continuing on this idea and I'm like ahh shit I can't copy and paste the whole thing so I stuck with that one line.

    but HOLY HELL. you are exactly like me!
    probably not the best thing >.<

    but wooooww.
    could I relate to this.

    and you wrote it so perfectly. I like all the quotes in this as well.
    amazing write m'dear.♥

    goodluck and thanks for entering

  • DancingStar
    October 22
    Edit | Reply
    I was reading poems when I realized I'd be an idiot not to add you to the finalists, however a change in the piece would still be nice.
    =) Congrats

  • DancingStar
    October 22

    Edit | Reply

    This is a good piece, a lot of things which I feel you could change so I have given suggestions.

    First Paragraph

    (I'm not sure if I should move left or right. Back up to give you space or move closer and hold you hand.)

    Second Paragraph

    ( "you have ocean eyes" i said and you said "burn with me" and i said "what?" and you said "i want to burn. i want to burn and i want you to come with me" and i said "okay" even though i had no idea what i was getting myself into)

    You need to edit that for it doesn't make that much sense.

    I don't mean to sound rude, this piece is fabulous I want to see it after a little bit of work because I want it to be in the finalists. Could you see if there's anything you can change around? And message me even if you've changed it and even if you've not. Gr8 write!! Bravo loved the theme and the ide


  • Chanson belle
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    have you read fight club? theres a quote from it about having to hit rock bottom before you really live. I really like this, it's really good


  • alpPDCjr12
    October 12
    Edit | Reply
    Speechless


  • samantha jean
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    You were always a great writer, but you have developed and grown SO much since I first started reading your work. This entire piece is amazing. The second stanza gave me chills.


  • coloringmysenses
    October 11
    Edit | Reply
    this is so unbelievably gorgeous.

1 - 13 of 13