she breathed
curiosity
passing
strangers in
alleys;
their fingers were
always stained
with something
she did not recognize
but just
wanted
to
know --
to feel
what it was like
to live on
the edge
of the law,
to
taste her own
fears
to
be alive
enough
to die.
Author notes
47 words. used http://on-toast.deviantart.com/art/Film-Noir-06-139961631
used a girl i used to know as the basis.
A contest entry
- quickie #56 by etoile.
800 points, ended October 13, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like this better in past tense
thanks for editing
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oh btw, I totally forgot which quickie I was judging.
but I asked for past tense. -
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i changed it!
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oh shit, i totally confused that rule with the poem i entered in a different quickie tonight. damn it, i changed that one to all past tense when i didn't need to. i don't know if this works as well past tense.
i'm sorry! i'll try to fix it!
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I like the line breaks.. but I feel that by the end it was a little bit unnecessary with the single words, idk that's just me. I read it really choppily because of it. but at the same time I really like the choppy feel of it. I loove the middle section, it's amazing.
and I really like your take on the picture.
goodluck and thanks for entering
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Oh.... I like this! Especially the last little bit! Great Job!
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