Greyish skies.
Mournful eyes.
Hazy room.
Quiet as a tomb.
Shadows call.
Raindrops fall.
And at the windowsill I sit...
A prism of light breaks through the haze;
The warped pane of glass distorts its rays;
On the dull wallpaper it gleefully plays
As I sit, chin in hand, in silence.
On and on the rain pitter-patters
As on the sill it daintily chatters.
I wonder to myself if it really matters
That I exist in this cold world of gloom.
Or is my life -
This existence of strife -
The same as the rain
Through this streaked dirty pane
A distorted illusion
With one lone conclusion –
To fall, to shatter, to die...
Author notes
This is one of the first poems I ever wrote. Although it is sentimental to me as such, there are aspects of it that bother me and your comments and critique would be MOST appreciated! 
A contest entry
- Prewrites. ♥ by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ends December 17, 445 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I wonder to myself if it really matters
maybe 'ask' instead of wonder to myself?
I really like this especially the final stanza. The way the lines fall down the page like a raindrops zig-zag course down a window.
Good luck with the contest
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probabl just me, but I'm waiting for a rhyme with sit ... as I said, it's just me. Nice job.
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I like the interesting presentation of this poem. The structured stanzas being book-ended by the free verse..and you have made them transition smoothly.very nice, well done.
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the poem is absolutely great, and I love the way it reads...it pitter patters along like the rain. The 2nd stanza is wonderful, lots of imagery throughout. Thank-you...I really enjoyed it.
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I like this poem. It's a bit dark, but a self reflective piece.
The rhyme scheme is different in that the last word of each stanza doesn't rhyme with the rest. But it forces the reader to stop and think about that stanza, so for that reason I like it
Best wishes in this contest
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welcome to allpoetry
melancholy does ring through this like that rain falling... well done, the flow was great,at first I thought the rhyme was a little forced feeling, but it played out better.. thanks for sharing this with us here and for joining the site, please keep up the writing,
cheers
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Thanks greyhaime! There's nothing better than a rainy day to get me contemplating life. I guess the raindrops mirror the tears in my soul...
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Hmmm...
...Daintily chatters... love that description for the sound of rain.
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