Why must we sit and listen?
To everything you shout.
We are not meaning to eavesdrop,
But how can we avoid it?
We are only small children,
Listening to your relationships falls,
Is it about us? or you?
Please, no violence I beg.
I know I cannot split you up,
And I know your love is strong,
So please don't argue any more,
We need you, honestly we do.
You have searched so long,
For love to finally find you,
So when it does, please tell me,
Why you give it up?
I hear the words you try to whisper,
I hear everything you shout,
So if you emerge from this mess in love,
I know I won't be your mate.
Our ears our tired of over hearing,
All the crap you speak,
So for gods sake stop it now!
Your bond is surely unbreakable.
We will not give up hope,
Of your relations fixing,
But our hearts are broken with anxiety,
All from words unspoken.
Author notes
Ok, so me and my near step-sister have spent the weekend together with our parents, we are getting on fine but for everything we say, an argument kicks off upstairs. Our parent are so in love but with one awkward word said, they are slowly drifting apart. We hope they stay together but it is annoying us deeply!
x y o l k o x
A contest entry
- ...from words left unspoken... by Ken-Maverick.
650 points, ended October 23, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
-
Grammar check here please!
Okay before I say anything good you need to go over and check the piece again. There are missed-out-words: 'Why you give it up?', incorect words: 'Our ears our tired of over hearing,' [the second our should be are] and there are parts that don't flow right.
If we look over these...large problems we are still able to see the backbone of the piece. Thank heavens we can because it a powerful thing. To make it better, my suggest honestly? Re-do it, correct the mistakes and give it a structure. Find a rythem scheme or learn meter, yes meter would work well. I'm not saying I don't like this, keep the content of the poem but find a better way to structure it. It will be more rewarding.
Loving you always.
Potato Salad -
Awww, hope things get better. I love the way this poem was penned, sincere and touching! great work and keep it up!
-
JUDGED!
"I hear the words you try to whisper,
I hear everything you shout,
So if you emerge from this mess in love,
I know I won't be your mate." <---awesome stanza
Thanks for entering
and all the best to you in the contest.
Ken -
it is really good, i like it, nothing to criticise
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