Faggots with their rainbow palettes, strive to box me in.
How dare they! Judge me with their closets filled to the brim with sin.
It is said there is no accounting for taste. Anyone knows this to be so.
Who decides which people have refined passions though?
I stare at meaningless words; sure they dazzle prettily with shallow depth.
Yet they amble. Shapeless and directionless, scoped out to length and breadth.
Anyone can paint images. Create cheap rhymes. Dig holes void of meaning.
So where lies the justice elitists cry out for? The wrong-doers' redeeming?
As they rally against tyrant God, they create their own bigotry.
Casting works not of their own standards worthless. Perfect symmetry!
Only abstractness, with stunning imagery of nothingness inspires.
To be different for the sake of difference, oh nobles of nobles aspire.
Wave high the flag of negative emotions. They are the artists' cheers.
To write with bloody inkéd quill. To smear soul's worth with ink and tears.
Questionable descriptions that only confuse, paste that to the wall.
Create an eye for our group to see. A blinded meter stick with which to judge all.
Author notes
I know I'm no expert on analyzing poetry, but I do feel even here there is a celebration for the mainstream standards of poetry. Write not where your own directions guide, but according to the measures of what is "good poetry." Use only free verse, use tabs and spaces to make indentions because that's the only way to get your point across, use a strict form that boxes in your work to our guidelines, don't use rhyme because it's so weak, don't have logical coherence be so abstract and make up your own symbolism because that shows off your deeper thoughts, write short and quick lines because that pace is really telling of a great poem, don't use punctuation to guide the flow of your poem as the actual way to do it says just pop one in wherever and let us work out what you wanted the flow to be, etc. I'm not saying this is true of every poet, poem, or contest on here at all (good sakes no!), but it really does seem to reward those who aim high, repeat an old message, be edgy for it's own sake (and different for it's own sake, not because you are unique), and to craft even admittedly great imagery even at the cost of it just being there with no good purpose. This is my question that sometimes enrages me; what really separates the great from the good? If there is no standard how dare I have to listen to an expert tell me I did not attain the highest level? I want to know not how to form my poem into a little box that would be acceptable to others, but what standards I could keep in mind that would make it excel as I tried to craft with my soul, heart, mind, and hands something that is "art."
S I C K O P A T H 3 3 3
A contest entry
- Words falling on deaf ears. by kamikage.
650 points, ended November 15, 32 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Eating Below My Skin by micaelalseth.
650 points, ended October 30, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - “We Are What We Repeatedly Do” by SheWasPreternatural.
1500 points, ended October 22, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How clever are you? by Copy.
850 points, ended November 12, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything at all - Points will go up by AngelicDreams.
700 points, ended November 24, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Sensing some jealousy or anger in this?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I think every poem and every written word has a meaning. Clichés, poor rhyme, just ranting, I think that I might not like it or think it useless but It means something to someone.
Thank you for entering and good luck! -
"Anyone can paint images. Create cheap rhymes. Dig holes void of meaning."
Luminous, to say the least.
What I like most about you, and your style, is that you're able to put the way I feel into words. Because it's better that I don't myself.
Anyway...
Thank you for the entry and good luck.
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First word of the poem I was about to jump up and strangle you, but as the poem went on I got a bit more of an idea of what was going on. I liked the topic of how pointless some poems are. I know I have written my share of wish washy poems that are just words on paper that mean next to nothing to me. Good job with this poem, but work on presenting the touchy subjects more delicately.
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So, since I already had my comments prepared for this former entry, I might as well give you a little taste of what to expect for your other work in about a week:
First, the references to the queer community- "faggots" "rainbow" "closets"- are a little inconsistent. Most of them occur in the first stanza, which makes the other references only assumed: "rally" "flag" etc. Now, my problem with this is that your author's note really says nothing about the gay community, but your poem certainly does. Because of this, from a reader's perspective, the speaker of this poem must be doing one of two things: either attacking the gay community; or the speaker is a member of the gay community (which I gathered from "our group" in the final line, although I understand this refers to poets also) who is attacking the conformity of creativity (not only through writing, but even speaking and dressing). If neither of these is the case, then I would reconsider how you present this idea (especially since it is a touchy subject).
I do find the irony of the fourth line intriguing in that the gay community is attacked and then the question 'Who decides which people have refined passions though?" is brought up, which supports both your own argument on written restraints as well as the gay cause.
In the first stanza "How dare they! Judge me..." is a very odd choice of punctuation. I'm unsure if this was your intention (which would be a reason to change it), but I actually liked what this line did. It proclaimed distaste ("How dare they!") and then still DARED them to "judge." However, if this wasn't what you were going for, then I'd switch it to "How dare they judge me..."
"tyrant God.." please delete the ".." which is very distracting and unnecessary. "with stunning imagery of nothingness" I actually find "stunning" to distract from the imagery of nothingness. Is there another word that won't be so overpowering in comparison the more important image? Or something that relates more?
As a suggestion, perhaps consider moving the reference to imagery earlier in the poem by switching "Anyone can paint images" which is rather literal, to "Anyone can paint imageRY"? Then, as to not be redundant, consider turning "stunning imagery to nothingness" into... perhaps... "pomp metaphor of nothingness"??? As an example at best...
Finally, in the third line of the last stanza, I read "bloody-inked quill" as "bloody inkéd quill." It naturally flowed in this way for me. If this is, in fact, how you would like your audience to read this line, then I would suggest actually putting in the accent mark for the "-éd." This will both indicate to your readers how to take on this section, as well as add some extra non-conforming tradition to the poem itself!
Again, I'm glad to have you in my contest and will look forward to commenting your actual entry. Feel free to explain anything I missed, or respond to questions based off this comment in the meanwhile!
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That's because this has nothing to do with the gay community, I'm simply using the word faggots and some of those images to insult people. As somewhat implied in your own comment, there is a lot of images and mindsets about the gay community, so what could make for more controversial an insult to hurl at people nowadays? You poetic faggots.. just saying that probably arouses up a lot of people for varying reasons, and if it offends people then it's doing exactly what it's supposed to (I want people on here to get angry at this, I'm challenging them; please note by my Author's Notes, it isn't everyone I wish to stab at though). Those later implied references were mere coincidence, nothing more. It was pretty much just those first two lines.
I think part of the problem with my poems is the tone and dramatic voice I always hear when I write it. To me, How dare they! should have that mark though because of the tone and pause made, and then it flows into a more "passive" judge me. It's why when given a time and technology to do so, I'll have to add video performances to some of my stuff and ask how I should convey those verbal mannerisms to the written word.
The more simple changes you recommend I can definitely see (other than the judge me part, I'm keeping that for the above reason) so I'll work on those. Not sure about the imagery thing, I'll look at it more, I sort of see changing it so I cover more of my own complaints though..
I'm a bit confused by the bloody-inked quill issue.. what does removing the dash and replacing that e do for it? Even if I wanted to make that change how do I make a fancy e like that anyways... just asking before I just do what you request, it doesn't matter much to me I just don't know what would actually change.
And if you have this much to say on this piece, you'll kill my other one I put in the contest, heh. I guess that was the point though. -
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I understand then what you were going for with the references. My recommendation then is to perhaps add some more references throughout? Even if they are only "accidental" like the other ones.
I'm glad that I read "How dare they! Judge me..." the way you intended. I loved this combination of offense proceeded by egging on.
As for the "bloody-inkéd quill" it looks like I just slipped by the dash and missed it. Do keep the dash if you want to keep the distinction that the ink is bloody. If you were to take the dash out though... the effect would be some ambiguity (which could be interesting) by not definitively denoting whether the ink is bloody or the quill. As for the "é:" this symbol would signify to your readers that they are supposed to read "inked" with a pronounced second syllable "ed" like "ink-Ed" instead of just "inkt." Older english made the distinction with the symbol. If this is not how you want it to be read, than you may decide not to include the symbol. This is how I read it the second time through though, and thought that the symbol would make reference to the traditions of poetry which the speaker expresses are attacked.
If you don't have a keyboard that can make the symbol, there is a alt combo to get to it, or you can simply copy and paste
Hah! Hey, well at least you get a preview of what's to come for the competition
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To be completely honest I'm not sure how to critique this, because it is clearly a brilliant piece which is structured well and using a very extended vocabulary. I can't fault this piece, so I feel like all I can say is congratulation, you're clearly talented. I look forward to speaking to you throughout this contest, best wishes.
Katie -
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The only thing I might recommend is to be overly picky on little details, or to just be plain mean, heh. Honestly this is why I was having trouble picking one out. I was stuck between picking one of my better works and seeing if it could be improved (and yeah to show off a bit, heh, I'm proud of my work which is kind of stupid but it's human), or pick something less promising (my more mediocore ones weren't of interest because I already knew they needed work). I just choose this one though, and maybe that was a bit foolhardy of me.. what do you think, pick something a little less promising so I get some advice (you can send a message instead of re-commenting).
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All the rage...and letting it all out supberbly. Excellent. Blessings.
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Excellent!
I love your interpretation of poetry as art, and not to be standardized in one specific area. Your rage is very tangible - evident in your questions.
I love your you took your frustration and your impeccible grammar and syntax add to the concreteness of your poem. Brownie points for the vocabulary.
Good luck in the contest =]
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