i can hear myself scream,
i can feel myself fall apart,
i can see the scars,
and know what they mean,
dropped to the gutter,
from my unwilling hand,
ignored, given no interest,
my own brother,
flesh and blood, forgotten in ignorance,
i blinded myself,
with alcohol and drugs,
they were my life,
my selfish life,
that i could think of nothing else,
trying is pathetic,
when doing is within reach,
and all the doing is,
is giving a little attention,
to a three year old sister,
karma sucks,
that's what everyone tells me,
but karma's good to me,
i paid for my wrongs,
self-willingly,
and without provocation,
but sorry is still out of sound,
touch,
sight,
but i'm still screaming,
for the wrongs i did,
karma wasn't enough,
i'm not satisfied,
i have no problem,
i can admit them.
- Gluttons for punishment group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Words falling on deaf ears. by kamikage.
650 points, ended November 15, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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on stanza 4:
get rid of "little" in the last line. because you just said "little" in the line b4 that, it sounds off. other than that, * thumbs up* -
Wow this is a poem with too many strong emotions that make it perfect!!!!
-Star- -
wow this is amazingly written.xx
this just tells that you've been through a lot..
but what this did is it made you into a better and stronger person
great write!
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thank you
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Strength after enduring the abandoment, the addictions, triumph is yours still in the midst of being alone to fight it. I love the last line...you CAN admit them. That is a strong person. Excellent emotions, Blessings.
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great work!
your poetry never stops amazing me. Every one i read i am drawn in and read down the page and i want to read it again once more. I always find myself thinking back to my own memories and experiences and relating to other people. This was worded beautifully and i felt really real and emotional. I dig it.
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nice
I like how you explained your background; it helped me to appreciate your emotions better. Excellent wording, I loved "but sorry is still out of sound, / touch,/ sight, "
One bit of advice: you've used plenty of commas in this piece that are a little distracting. I suggest that you limit their usage, or don't use punctuation at all.
Other than that, great job! -
i really loved this piece and lovedd the stanza's
but sorry is still out of sound,
touch,
sight,
but i'm still screaming,
for the wrongs i did,
karma wasn't enough,
i'm not satisfied,
i have no problem,
i can admit them.
i loved it and the way life can treat us and how things work. Out i loved the piece and an excellent write. Amazing again!
-penguin-
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Damn
after a long time of writing nothing you come out like a pro damn man you way out did yourself on this one like holy shit dude what the hell has been going on in your life no need to tell me but damn good man damn good the only thing that was off in this whole thing was the ending
karma wasn't enough,
i'm not satisfied,
i have no problem,
i can admit them.
my liking
karma wasn't enough,
i'm not satisfied,
you can see I have no problem,
but i can admit my faults.
just sounds better to me when i read the ending with my version
that's it well done man damn good
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i kno. i figured i'd better put somethin up on here. i've just been busy wit school and shiz. lol.
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i like it, nothing wrong, no criticsm
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