Hidden Treasure

Diagnosed with loneliness. Being alone I could not cope with it. I had needed a quick fix. This man was my prescription, healed the pain temporarily, but when it would wear off I would risk every dime just to refill it. I had became addicted refusing to quit this drug that cause me to become fatigue, emotional, and afflicted with a deadly sickness. Popping again and again but never had I taken the time to read my drug's description. He came with many side effects, headache, upset stomach, heart burn and sharp penetrating pains to the chest. He expressed to me that I was worthless, other chicks would bend over backwards to fulfill his needs, said my presence served no purpose, My heart was easily unhesitantly layed, stomped on, crumbling, scattering away like ashes brought to shame over the major remarks towards my worth he had made. I turned my head up to the sky, as my tears were slowly falling down from my weeping sorrowful eyes . I whispered asking the good lord "Why?" Can he not see the pain that has been endured causing damage to my insides? Lost, and abandoned my screams are unheard. Backwards and shattered hatred  became my gift while love became my curse. Love and hatred was duking it out. Hatred was hostile detesting love's affects, pulling out love's root forcing love to die slow, and unable to sprout.

Convinced that I had to become who he wanted me to be in order for him to label me as his spouse. My heart is covered with thorns, huge uncountable amounts. Love was screaming for aid, but hatred's roar became too powerful, overlapping love's agonizing sounds. Troubled, obtaining hate for myself, which became a destructive weapon to my soul and a poisonous to my health. Cluttered mind drowning with confusion, my pain didn't receive no sympathy from him, drowning in self pity, my hurt and my despair became his amusement. I instantly blamed god for my aching spirit, wondering why he didn't spare my heart when it came down to the sadistic men I was choosing. Blinded by this man's words not taking heed to his actions.  Lacking love for myself, losing my power, but yet I bowed down, feared being alone, so I still continuously gave him satisfaction. Hatred formed, becoming my storm, pouring down hard and roaring. Hate came with team mates, loneliness, insecurity and low self worth and plenty more of self destructive habits that I was consistently storing. Pounding and striking my heart so heavily, my heart is weakening producing thick dull sounds. My heart is panting, cold and gasping to breathe. My soul is disturbed, grumpy and growling. Peace is no where to be found. My heart is wounded, his words cut right through my chest, tearing it layer by layer relentlessly. My pain is screeching through my screams, pain was unbearable and I instantly dropped down to my knees beginning to plead to my lord to help me as this pain begin stabbing me, piercing me severely . My heart he had neglected, my mind he had disrespected, helped lower my worth I was convinced that I was only good for a few hours of sensual affection.

Dark clouds of negativity were surrounding me, allowing for this man to get the best of me, picking my heart up off the ground squeezing it angrily, felt it wasn't good enough for love to be received, I watched as it bled, clots were falling down to my feet . A light broke through my fog. Crushing the tinted shade, putting fear in the dark shadows that were taunting me as they were surrounding these four walls causing them to scatter away fast. I Raised my head up from the soaked carpet as I observed the illuminated room, the ceiling was no longer caving in on me, became prepaired as the light planted its self on the cracks. Fear escaped, I had felt instant comfort these legs of mines refuse to flee. A clear translucent being with no face nor figure appeared, resting quietly in front of my knees. It had my undivided attention, giving my heart air to breathe no longer distracted, I was eagar to listen as this peculiar glow with a thick white aura as its coat, turned my tears into gold,forming layers which soon began to spread across the surface of my cold and darkened flesh making my soul becoming unable to rust, ever so real and ever so strong. Suddenly the light had spoke. Realizing it is my higher power, coming to me in the form of the holy ghost to prepair my battle wounds and to reveal to me the unknown.

It gave me new air to breathe, rushing through my cold veins, fighting the poverty within me. Providing the thirst to my dry mind, the hunger to my starving soul, and the warmth to my heart restoring its melodic joyful beat. Sewed up every
wound, no longer were they torn nor bleeding. Brought sight to my agonizing eyes, revealing such great beauty within me that this man blinded me from seeing.  God pulled me out of this rut, and beamed his light on these ingrown weeds. Underneath lied seeds, this man was the storm helping me to become the woman got planned for me to be. Knowledge infested in my brain, while wisdom rests on my lips. This man saw a strong woman standing before his eyes, tested the waters his words shot towards me and missed. He was intimadated by my attitude, no longer filled with anger I kilt him with gratitude, realizing that the only reason why he tore me down is because if I had knew my worth from the beginning he wouldn't have been a strong candidate for me to want to persue. Still hiding his insecurities, saying the relationship amounted to nothing because of me, didn't take his words too seriously, because if I wasn't worth it wouldn't you have been gotten rid of me? Your ego got tied up in this, afraid a real man will come along, exposing your flaws, showing me a real love that I cannot resist.

Say that I am not a factor if thats what eases your concealed insecurity You may cut down my tree, but my root continues to live and breathe even after a great disaster. Boys seek weak women, but strong women is what real men chase after. God taught me to seek the love in his kingdom, giving him the opportunity to chose whoms best for me, only a man of god will love me, respect me, and not treat me with such cruelty. I've cried my last cry, giving low self worth its final and last goodbye. My God has restored my heart's shine. Revitalizing my heart, creating it with steel and removing its tangled twine. God showed me the worth of a true queen. A heart that glistens like diamonds, my worth is a hidden treasure that only a real man can reach . God showed me that my worth is beyond any value. My worth is priceless. God pulled me out the net and saved my life from this crisis. My worth is magnifying, my worth is a woman's finest.