Edit 2
West by God Virginia
In soggy Converse and hand-me down clothes,
Maple Lake licking the white rubber of those half-moon toes,
a boy throws his line,
the strip of bacon Momma stabbed
on his hook sails in rhythm
with the smooth hiss of the spinning reel
past the crop of ancient rocks
past the swimming line and floating dock --
his tongue a stout flag of determination
stiff against the corner of his mouth.
Maybe a bluegill or a catfish not
the carp his father hates and tosses
on the bank to flop and gasp
"Damn dirty fish."
Light
streaks long across the borrowed bed
where a lover curls in coitus-stained covers.
The doctor gave Momma too many pills
and the mountaintops
are no longer infinite
horn-shaped, scaly and choked with
thorns.
Flat and blasted --the rotted thread ripped
at the bituminous seam
like this life we fasten on.
"A snapping turtle caught the line,"
he says in the dark, "I was afraid and ran home.
Harry couldn't come, he had to milk the cows."
The boy in soggy Converse and hand-me-down clothes,
Maple Lake licking the white rubber of those half-moon toes,
throws his line,
the slab of raw bacon Momma stabbed
on his hook sails in rhythm
with the smooth clicks of the spinning reel
past the crop of ancient rocks
past the swimming line and floating dock
his tongue a stout flag of determination
stiff against the corner of his mouth --
maybe a bluegill or a catfish not
the carp his father tosses
on the bank to flop and gasp
"Damn dirty fish."
The days get longer.
Light
streaks long across the borrowed bed
where a lover curls in coitus-stained covers.
Never his father,
the doctor gave Momma too many prescriptions
and the mountaintops
are no longer infinite
horn-shaped, scaly and choked with
thorns.
Now flat and blasted --the rotted thread ripped
at the bituminous seam
like this life we fasten on --
"It was a snapping turtle that caught the line”
he says in the dark,“I was afraid and ran home.
Harry couldn't come
he had to milk the cows."
Author notes
Edit 1 V.2
A contest entry
- Green Rain by tara wilson.
3500 points, ended October 19, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow this is an incredible write. I see youbeing a novelist...have you thought about it?
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Yes gold. I
I've been to WV a few times, it being next door sort of. Mostly go there for gambling and cheap ciggies.
"coitus-stained covers" is lovely.
Not here much mostly because it takes so long to load a page i doze off.
Desiree
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Love the boobs, babe.
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Entirely worthy of gold
What an excellent write...so much texture here and the transition from past to present is so well done. I SOOOOOOOO enjoyed this
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Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated.
Best,
Lisa
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Ah! I'm so glad to see the gold on this - I left a comment in the Poetry Camp only this morning. Congratulations - the hook caught me by the heart, too.
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I love the imagery of the opening with the half moon of the shoe and how you made your 'line' cast out past the rocks and docks- how i felt that while reading. Also, i really enjoyed how you dissolved the stories together from one into the other, past to present, without even using a change of tense, with the use of your characters, lighting and narration, and the 'life fastening on' - wonderful....this is such an interesting read and moments here that coincide like the moments in Livesay's poem... and i see so much more in my mind to the ending than what is written in this poem - and i like that.
thanks Lisa.
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can you add a chunk of stagnant manifesto; a sprinkle of parsley and a dab of cynicism to round it out? i like where it's heading even though I don't care to fish.
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ooooo baby! you hit!
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Thanks for the behind the scenes crit. Did some adjusting.
Now it's your turn. -
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she never stays one entire turn eh?
congratulations on the gold
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I'm with Alex, it's always good to see you write one, it doesn't happen often and when it does it's always worth reading more than once. C
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u writeth!
the theory of big bang says you can't catch catfish with carp bait
i did once -- it was a suiccidal catfish
or maybe unlucky - hooked itself with the chin in the needle
it was a fishy situation
now cow milking makes cattle noble animals
in some countries thy die of old age
what's with the word cheezy then...
is it only a pejorative for noble species of fungii?
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One doesn't often see "bituminous" in poetry. A damned shame - it's a great word. Good luck in the contest, Scribe. 
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