I saw him fly once
among puffs of smoke
and blue raspberry vodka
when air was fresh
and breathing was deep
I ran to keep him in view
as he sang wonders
of what it would be like to glide alongside,
and see things from his perspective~
the depth of his ambitions,
the lyrics of his soul…
until he plummeted
from air too heavy
and a burden which sobered even the sun.
he was an eagle,
whose heart had been clipped awhile ago
by the likes of her shears,
convinced he was a chicken…
too afraid to soar toward new chances.
now his cock only feels its own numbness,
and I listen for my wake-up call.
Author notes
chasin' the bird
A contest entry
- Jazzcat's Miles Davis Tribute by jazzcat.
2500 points, ended October 12, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Wow... props for the puns on this one.
You definitely have a way of making words work overtime for you
My mind could take this so many places, but it's best not to go there here... so I'm just going to say "AWESOME!"
That ending is priceless. This seems darker than your usual. It has a very wry, deprecating kind of tone - less "I'm going to conquer the world" than I usually get from you. I think you've been listening to/reading Matt Smith too much. Your tone reminds me a lot of him in this.
Not that it's a bad thing.... just an observation. Hope you are well
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that was so much more sharp and cutting than your usual ones are to me... one of your best though can you tell me what chasin the bird means?
the strange double-entrendre at the end was different.. bittersweet funny and poignant
and blah blah. it was just very good.
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now his cock only feels its own numbness,
and I listen for my wake-up call.
- nicee ending.
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cock a doodle doo
again, thanks!
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this reminds me of someone i know and is a doozie of a payout you are a clever chicken thats for sure and me a bit of a rooster cheers hun enjoyed it big time
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Wow... this has a real sting to it. What a waste.... the eagle bound and his gifts, dreams and opportunity squandered. Shackled and limitied and defeated and it seems from within.
'She' observes and sees the beauty of his potential and laments that he has allowed himself to become something less than his true destiny proposed. That is soaked in such sadness.
This reads like a tragedy...... and leaves a sense of "Oh what could've been"
A heavy sense of personal frustration or disappointment in this too.
So much said and bared...... excellent insight and expression of thought and emotion and that should always be the essence of poetic writing. Bravo!
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you always get it... i love that about you. thanks so much
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After reading this i cant decide if im a rooster or hawk. You have some serious imagery in this, which makes your writing number 1.
Gee i hope you don't mind, but
You rock!
Joe
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"until he plummeted
from air too heavy
and a burden which sobered even the sun."
I love the heaviness and your thoughtful line placement in this write.
Everytime I read something of yours I see growth and improvement.
Very Strong. From beginning to end.
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Nice job. I love the use of different birds: eagle, chicken, etc....all of which can have different meanings. Very well crafted, a fun read that was bluesy in more ways than just the color-scheme. I think the first stanza was my favorite as it sets the tone so well and provides us with such great imagery.
Each time I read this I take something different from it and I pick out new lines that really shine: '...whose heart had been clipped...' I like that a lot.
Thanks for entering the contest
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This is an amazing piece. I loved the imagery and the precise writing.
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thank you
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that's a great picture of you lol it caught my attention and so here i am in your poem. hahaha this is funny, drink and sobriety, and sexual madness. i like it. i think i will pluck myself now
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im not sure what plucking is. lmao... sounds daring though
thank you so much for your comment
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wonderful metaphor Grace...
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thank you, tara
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Oh grace... painfully beautiful. sighs.
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Well Grace, you did it again. Another great piece penned in a way that makes you fell a range of emotions. I loved the ending.
I see you've been sick, as several of us have, and hope you are back to 100% soon, You're writing did not suffer thankfully.
Sharon
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awww... thank you, sharon. and ya... it's the time of year that all of this goes around. it would feel better for my head to explode. lol. but it's something that will be gone in a week or so for sure.
thanks for coming by to read and comment
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I like the way each bird symbolizes a different aspect of character, etc. Amazing how one can be the wind in your sails one day and and the rock tied to your ankle another. Well-penned.
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thank you, steve
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I'm glad to see you posting a bit more as I have been worried about you.
I can see that your reprieve from writing was not that you lost your way, this
is the same great talent that we have all come to know and love, right down to the wonderful mind-blowing ending that you are always so famous for.
I don't have a dang thing to suggest for changing, it is perfect the way it is dear and I wish you much luck in the contest. I hope you are well and that we are going to start seeing a more steady stream of your writes ( cause I sure do miss reading them! yeah... I'm selfish like that... lol )
Take care dear.
Luv ya,
Suzi
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you are so wonderful. thank you
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this was written on a day that i have woken up to bad news and this poem has hit me hard grace. one of your best and quite painful to read.
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so sorry about the bad news
thanks, em...
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lmao that ending threw me off balance. was not expecting that. you are clever.
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no... im just sick
thanks, matt
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ive been sick for like 2 weeks its ridiculousss. well not so much sick anymore but this cough keeps me up all night lol
i hope you feel better, grace. -
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ya. the cough is a killer. glad you are getting over yours. i'll be over mine in no time, i hope.
thanks, matt!
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That ending gave me a bit of a wakeup call lol
I always get excited when I see you've posted something because I know it will be something brilliant... and you never disappoint.
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you are so sweet. thank you so much, jacks
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wow. just wow.
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lol... not wowzer? or omg? just wow?
thanks, christian. you're great!
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