~prompt~ http://www.zeblog.com/blog/uploads/m/mul/sadness.jpg
The River Styx
By: Star of Atlantis
There is more here than we bargened for in the slilent rocking of the boat.
Your feelings are sinking under my skin to crawl like spiders in my blood.
Silence freezes the thought of sound, even water forgets to lap boat's edge as we
pass
The North Gate is close now and the ghosts are shadows of mist.
Do you feel the cold that is not cold?
Its inside, like the bones are all dry ice, does it dream you?
Breathing slipps into the past and we don't notice the stopping of our hearts.
No choice...
there is a life to save...
the sacrifice is worht it all
come back... i don't know if...
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt !! 10 prompts !! by Golden Song.
700 points, ended October 24, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please be very detailed in your coments and give me plenty to learn about how you view my piece. thank you.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Beautiful
Kate's right. It is so calming, i almost found myself on that boat, just drifting away in peaceful slumber. AMAZING -
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=) thank you glad you liked it
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That has such a calming feel to it - it's amazing.
I would just like to point out two things that confused me slightly though.
"The North Gate is close no" should probably be "The North Gate is close now" with a w on the end
just confused me a bit.
Also the phrase "does it dream you?" doesn't really make sense.
But a beautiful write - good luck!
Golden Song
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i fixed the no to now thing thank you i didnt see it till now that you had commented on this thank you for the advice and i am sorry you dont get the line aobut it dreaming you... its too long a story to explaine what i ment so it is sometimes left a bit unsure so you have to figure it out what it means as a reader not as what was the wrighter thinking... sorry but that is the breath and life of poetry it has none till it comes to anothers lips or anothers mind. i like to wright things where people are not sure if they get it. makes me feel i am making them think things a bit more before just leaving a poem where its found. i once got told that i have a way of making innocent mennesing. and in an innocent way. this poem i think does that a tince and that is why the line is not so clear to you but i am so glad that you stopped to tell me that because now we have a point of discussion and we can both learn from it. i thank you for the coment too just incase this doesnt sound like a thank you. it is.
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The picture's yours - go for it Good luck!
Golden Song
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