White hands with fingertips of morning sky
eternal, plant the seeds within my mind,
while calling tides the apple of your eye
and naming me the deepest you could find.
No words are spent in vain, this dialogue
threads needles through the lips of language walls,
this hubris merely binds the mortal fog;
height gives the world a better way to fall.
Eventually, the moon's fair light will close,
old ocean knows her breath will one day end,
cruel fate: the cracks dry riverbeds expose,
expanses that no human can befriend.
And still, I taste her with each bead of sweat;
no one has taken ocean from us yet.
Author notes
I picked the phrase "we want the ocean", and did this as a Shakespearean sonnet.
It kind of happened that I mixed bits of Bible stories into this, with the first four lines being creation, genesis and the apple (or at least the fruit of knowledge), the middle four being Tower of Babel, and the last four (before the couplet) being the end of human life, with only the earth remaining. I was trying to get at the ocean outlasting all of it, and being the beginning and end for us (evolving from pond scum, etc). This would probably make more sense if you've ever heard Bjork's Oceania, and if I'd had a good night's sleep upon writing it. :/ But it was definitely fun to try out.
In a list
A contest entry
- Acrostic Sonnets by shewalksintomine.
500 points, ended October 24, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did it work for you?
Comments
-
Great job with the iamb and the pentameter. I loved the use of those and the use of (glee!) punctuation. The author's notes helped to understand the poem, but I would hope that either the poem would speak for itself without the author's notes or it wouldn't have to be enhanced by them. It's no problem though.
Thank you for entering my contest. I know how hard it is to write a poem on the spot and I appreciate the effort. Good luck to you. -
I'm glad you included an explanation in your Author's Notes, otherwise I'd have struggled with the first eight lines. However, having read your explanation, I appreciate how deep and clever this poem actually is. The language is beautiful, the content intelligent and highly literate, and the rhyming first class.
Very well done,
Bill
Adding your comment:
