Untitled (Part 3)

Chapter 6
Okay.. okay.. We're friends then.


I really don't want to write this. But something inside me says i must.


I was yours. And you were mine, right?
Well, that was just what i had known, or more precisely, what i thought i had known. I hated the day when i heard you say something that represented the opposite of what you had meant to me for the past year and a half. I don't want to say more about that. It hurts.
Ah! So we were "just friends" after all, weren't we? What type of friendship was that?

I recall that movie night. People cried at one part of it. I cried, too, yet not at the filmed-guy pain. I cried at my own real pain. You knew there was something wrong with me. You asked if it had anything to do with you, and all what i said was "if you think there's something you did, then let it be".
But you still, i do believe..cared about me.
Then what went wrong? I don't know. But i realized I -too- was changing. I wasn't being myself, really. I treated you unfairly. And what I did resulted in that "something" or "somebody" came in between us. Some"thing" that represented the massive block that separated us. I never understood the nature of this block. I just want you to know this block is the notorious snake that poisoned me, almost killed me, and kept us apart ever since..

I love you..




chapter 7
Broken


Why am i writing this? Don't ask me. Ask yourself why you're reading this crap.. Duh..

You started calling less. I missed you more. Oh and well you "thought you loved me" and i lied when i said it was the same for me. Because i never stopped loving you. Never.
So i had to accept the fact that it's over. Huh? ACCEPT?!!! I was way too far from accepting. I tried to struggle.. To fight. I had no idea there was nothing to fight until i lost my own battle. I failed. And if you know me well enough you'll know FAILURE is a big word for me. A huge one.
And failure transformed into several shapes, first sorrow, then mourning, then hysteria, ending with anger. The greatest anger you could ever imagine. I was full of pain. I loved you to an extent that was undescribable, and then, love became the hell that was burning the good spirit inside me. Shattering my heart into the tiniest pieces, love left me broken.
I became a loner. What happened made me the most miserable person on Earth. Shedding tears became a matter of a daily routine-not as if you even felt what sort of hell i was going through. I hated life. I didn't want to see people. I ended up writing about evil, and for more knowledge you could read the "moment of revenge" note. (not very advisable, though)
I became pale-looking, neglecting my appearance more than ever. Depression was my main theme. But still.. Who cared? NO ONE! i was only hurting myself with my own hands, breaking my soul.

And yeah. It was 100% over. You told me..
Your heart already moved on. To the love of another.
Yeah. Someone else.
I remember listening to Avril Lavigne "all the memories so close to me just fade away. All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending"

Should i mention the crying part? I don't think it would matter to any of you. But what really matters was my decision. A really hard one.

FORGETTING