1
Somewhere along the line
we lost sight of the moon
Maybe we danced too long
in forgotten shafts of darkness
deep inside the mountain, mining
jewels and half gems.
Semi precious, she was. Not beloved
nor requited. A periphery flicker, perhaps
a dancer, an emerald's eyes, glimmering,
or a faerie.
But however it happened ( whoever she was )
the moon was still utterly lost. It was long before
we noticed. Too long by far.
all we had left were the shafts of light
that make the dust look like the stars
slowdancing in a golden syrup sky -
our own dancing grew slower then.
2
the
rain occasionally b o w s
to the earth. and in a
Sudden Ungreying b o w s low
to the ground. and a beautiful rainbow.
when the clouds clear
even the stars are forced to take sides
to take up arms.
Those that remain armless
pacificist
will be forced to fall. and the
lovers look on them and wish
little knowing that they wish for courage.
3 - the explanation.
The Maiden's Mr. Death is
long and bemused. He hovers like
a kestrel, all fire and forlorn.
No Way Through, he cries
Here is the Dead End,
where we lay now, he cannot find us
but we do for Mr. Death,
we cry out in our sleep
and he, he must very soon discover us.
An apple can do nothing,
and she has lost her cherry
so
Let go of the day to look for the key,
feel lucky -- --- --,
tell them that the sun is coming,
do what you will. But I will mourn the moon.
The gardens will spill the blood of the gardeners
(o this I know)
Wormwood shall fall. Mr Death shall chucklechoke.
and
In memorium, we will grow roses and
(of course) forget-me-nots. Blue
bells will have a part in this.
A contest entry
- Teach me Abstract poetry by rinzurajan.
400 points, ended November 15, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i loved the last eight lines...they were just too amazing...!!! full of imagery that left me awestruck...
good luck
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I like the first one. Although abstract, the theme wasn't lost. I loved the first stanza in the third one, but I as well became somewhat lost. "an apple can do nothing and she has lost her cherry" and "feel lucky -- --- --Call me dense, but I have no idea what they mean even in the abstract. The form in which they are written; the odd indents, letter spacing, and random capitalizations were somewhat distracting for me. There are some great lines in these. "even the stars are forced to take sides", "maybe we danced too long in forgotten shafts of darkness" - great. They were indeed abstract.
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something kept me reading, yes forget me nots,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what an interesting write.......thanks for sharing.............the colour and the tiny tiny litle flower that is so beautiuf in colour...............and the way they reseed I love them.....song about them too.................
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i do not know much about abstract poetry but i liked what i read my fav lines..when the clouds clear
even the stars are forced to take sides
to take up arms. -
abstract for sure! i love the beginning, it was very thought-provoking. i really couldn't grasp the concept of this because it's so erratic. it's like the first stanzas draw you in, but then you get lost by the end of the poem trying to find something tangible. i think that was your goal though!
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It was definitely abstract. I have nothing against it, some of my favorite bands write abstract poetry as lyrics (Deftones being one..). So I guess I'd appreciate the abstractness a bit more along to music. As a poem it didn't allow me to understand it or get much of a glimpse into it. But I do like the title and what I got was the theme of it.
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excellent
I absolutely love the beginning lines and title. part 1 is my favorite. this reminds me of sitting in the passenger seat on a car ride and the moon is shining here and there, like it is flickering because of the trees passing by at odd spacings.
I don't think the spacing between the letters of "bows" is necessary, but that' s just preference. i think roman numerals would be better than numbers, too.
this abstract piece is quite beautiful thanks for sharing!
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(:
I really, really really love this. the last line is my favorite The only thing you could fix:chucklechoke. I say this because, well, I have no idea what you mean.
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Thank you :)
Thank you for the encouragment -
The Maiden's Mr Death is chuckling and choking at the same time, that laugh that starts deep in the lung, and by the time it comes out, is more like a cough than anything else. a deep chesty, horrible mucusy cough, i reckon...
Thanks
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