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young at heart

the rhythm of a spirit beats away

with its flow forever calm but completely disarray
the essence of perfect bliss and deep sorrow
both a distant star and an ocean shallow
together a bright sun and cloudy thought
a spiral so perfect yet painstakingly flawed

 

life can often be cruel and unfair
ceaseless with its onslaught of despair
however vivid laughter and cheeky smiles
can be just around the hidden corners of time
where content children play
pretending to be adults through the day

 

Author notes

s i l l y s m i l e

A contest entry

i would be happy to get your thoughts on this thankyou :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • LeilaJayne
    November 15
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is short, but so poweful, i love the imagery in it. Great write.
    Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest x


  • RainShatteredDreams
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    very nice!!!!!!!


  • Thewordflow
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful imagery, short and sweet but so much packed into it, Bravo XD


    • sillysmile
      October 28
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for taking the time to read this , what would you like to be called? thewordflow?
      or are there any nicknames i could call you?



  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful write. it is short and brief but with a lot of imagery within this write. however you have not put what you would like to be in my ap family please get back in contact with me soon about this. well done and i look forward to getting to know you better


    • sillysmile
      October 23
      Edit | Reply
      a friend i think, i havent had a family on all poetry before


  • z etoile
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    i dont think we ever lose the spirit of our childhood. Great write.


    • sillysmile
      November 17
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      you understood the intention of the poem
      im happy thanks for analysing it

  • firefly star
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    wow. i loved the message behind this. it was a message of hope i thought, though i'm convinced that my anolising skills are a bit strange. anyway anolising is talking about whatever the poem means to the individuial i guess so it doesn't ,matter. thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. keep writing!


    • sillysmile
      November 17
      ?
      Edit | Reply

      insightful :>

      yes you are very right
      i wrote it for a friend of mine who was feeling down at the time

  • catstar
    October 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great write. It has some amazing parts in it. I really enjoyed reading this.

    Thank you sharing and entering again.


  • SillyGillysGirl
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    this is just wonderful


  • AlexandraHamilton
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    A realistic, yet optimistic poem, which is to say absolutely brilliant. "Painstakingly flawed", that's something in and of itself that speaks volumes.


  • Suffer-in-silence
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    great write i love it
    especially the 1st stansa
    -rose


  • Tzipora
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    your your amazing !

    and yes i stuttered on purpose


  • individuality gold member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    life can often be cruel and horrid
    ceaseless with its onslaught of despair
    - i will pick up on this thought, aye life is mental - it grabs us by the hair and twists us.


  • Paul F Clayton
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    hoorah for laughter and cheeky smiles
    cheered me up no end


    • sillysmile
      October 11
      Edit | Reply
      im happy that it made you happy for a time,
      that makes me happy


  • laura0757 gold member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    hey great poem, holy smokes you are a great writer, you truly are, I wish you so much luck in the contest, I think you deserves something for what ever you seem to write, you certainly show a gift


  • Sarahbear09
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    Such a good concept. I never thought of it that way. "vivid laughter and cheeky smiles" really spoke to me for some reason. Awesome.


    • sillysmile
      October 10
      Edit | Reply

      thanks :)

      yeah that line is one of my favourites too, glad to see that somebody else liked it

  • Lura
    October 10
    Edit | Reply

    i love it :)

    • sillysmile
      October 10
      Edit | Reply
      hey lura, when you comment on somebodies poem, you can choose to write "Your verdict"(the top white box) but you dont have to
      but if you are going to comment, you write in the bottom white box, thats "Your review"


  • Fallen-Thumper
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! i love tis piece, it is brilliant and the first stanza to me wad he best, it flowed so well and i loved the rhyme. A really great job and its amazing! Brilliant! keep up the writing ^_^
    -penguin-

1 - 31 of 31