'Frosted was the moon,
Her nocturnal lips
Spoke of tragedy...
The wolf and raven
To love... Nevermore...'
Sweet black lips,
Upon mine
Dying heart,
Beats with yours
My raven...
My lover...
Yours I am,
Forever more...
On the Plutonian shore,
We embraced like doomed lovers
In fragrant blood, we swore to
Never to leave one another
Until cruel Death do us part...
Then that tragic night came
When you fled from Eden
Upon autumn shadows
My heart shattered like glass
For I knew you had lied
"Your heart in my cold embrace,
Offered in crimson sacrafice,
Leave Eden and be with me,
Until Death rips us apart..."
And under her spell
I fled from Eden
So I could once more
Feel her cold embrace
In the bed of Death
Yet again, false promises
Made by my sweet Raven
As I cried obsidian tears,
I tempted fate with a razor...
Author notes
Part I in a series of songs known as 'Memoirs of a Wolf'.
If you think this sounds like something E. A. Poe would write, please don't tell me. I'm not influenced by him nor have I ever read his works. All I know is that he was a great poet and writer back in the day.
A contest entry
- For the broken hearts out there by CutsThatDontBleed.
900 points, ended October 17, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Win More Than Once? by MJ Forgives.
1218 points, ended November 12, 224 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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O.o How did you know that I thought your poem might have been influece by Edgar Allen Poe's writings?...
Yeah I did at first because it sounded like part of his works. I really enjoyed reading it though. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
-Jess
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Alot of people have been messaging me about it, saying it sounds like a Poe piece and what not.
And I'm like... No, it's not influenced by anyone
Glad you enjoyed it
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A definite book mark for me! Loved it!
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Hehe, thank you
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Very Haunting
This is a wonderful poem, and it satys with your readers after they've read it. Beautifully penned and very haunting. I loved it, if I was to revise I wouldn't. your poem is perfect the way it is already.
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Thank you
That means alot
I hope the second part can live upto this one
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The note was funny because the first think I thought of was "Edgar Allen Poe" but thats probably just your use of the word "Nevermore". A very haunting, yet good, write.
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Like I said, I've never really read his stuff properly, Just a quick read here and there during in English classes back when I was at school - but that was long before I ever started writing
And I'm glad it's haunting - I was after something Gothic/haunting with this piece
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Nice to see a work of length...you tend to do well with them.
We see resolution as a preface to the tale. I enjoyed this, I think that many of us have had a woman such as this within our lives.
As far as critical-assuming this is a lyric, if it isn't//oh well.
I would drop the more after forever-extend out forever-might like the sound of it.
Next stanza is perfect
On the next stanza try to replace one of the fleds. Perhaps "lied"
Not so sure about "In the bed of death" I know what you are saying, but with the heavy images procured so far it seems a bit blunt.
Helluva good write.
Looking forward to more in this series.
Peace
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Indeed it is a song
It's going to be the first track on my EP in four months time when I record.
I see yer point about the two 'fleds'. I'll get one of them changed soon then
The second part of the series carries on from this one, so be expecting some dark again
The whole idea of the bed of Death was just to keep the dark imagary and it was the only thing I could think of at the time
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this is truly a work of art ! encreatable beautifull and poetic i love it
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Thank you
I'm glad you like it
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wow..
this is beautiful... it flows nicely and made wonderful dark ictures come to mind. very lovely
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Thank you
It's good to know I made it dark
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I find this poem very beautiful and beautifully written, It was like reading a edgar allen poe piece. Nicely done and it flows nicely too.
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You're the second person to pay it sounds like a Poe piece (The first person been some on VF) and I tahnk you for that
To have my piece compared to the works of a great man like Poe is an honour indeed
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