Leave me to my thoughts all my visions and dreams,
Fall asleep and wake up; ripping at the seams of my jeans,
Like I’ve been told, everything’s never as it seems.
But I confide and hide in this smile,
Inside which, I pretend I haven’t thought of it in a while.
But I think of lips, and fingertips tracing my hips,
Closing my eyes, as you opened my thighs,
How could you put me in a position like this?
I grip the sheets, and wipe away the tears,
Not knowing that this moment, would haunt me for years.
I feel your presence, no matter where I go,
Being so young, how come I didn’t say no?
Everyday I hurt, because I was alone,
You’d made me do all these things, when no one was home.
But now I’m full grown, and I think of back then,
And can honestly say, I’d be happy never seeing you again.
We were ready to be sisters, never wanted anything more,
But you crushed my soul, and made me cry like never before.
Filled my head with hate, and told me nothing but lies,
Nine years old, and all I wanted to do was die.
Tell me why, did you do those things to me?
When all I ever wanted, for us to be family.
Six years older than I, you should have known,
That one day I’d remember, and tell them not to let you home.
You made me feel ugly, like I wasn’t worth a dime,
And to this day I’m sorry, that I still allow your memory in my mind.
I sympathize with people, who’ve been through this,
Wonder how different it would be, if you never touched my lips.
Because of you, I sleep with nightmares,
And for being only eighteen, that seems unfair.
You’re long gone now, doesn’t matter where you are,
Because no matter what, your past won’t let you get very far.
So everyday I pray, staring at the ceiling I lay,
And I get the feeling, that you’ll be caught some day...
Author notes
You said you like to read about love and pain. Well this is what came out. When I was 9 yrs. old, my mom and I moved in with her boyfriend. And his daughter sexually abused me for 2 years.. until one day she just disappeared and never came back..
A contest entry
- Write what you feel by StarlightCerulean.
570 points, ended October 18, 47 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Pain can come at you from nowhere. You just pick up the pieces ' cause you got a whole lotta liven to do. -c
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Honestly, this is one of the best poems here. While a very sick topic, its vocabulary, imagery, and just all around structure is phenomenal. I of course give you a hug but most of all I give you applause, for both the poem and your struggle, and your triumph
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So sorry.
I know what its like... well not really, since what happened to me was with my ex-boyfriend. I hope you find someone who can help you get past it so you don't have to have the nightmares any more. I was crying the whole time I was reading it.
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Thank you for the comment. I'm working on being able to sleep better at night, and I'm sorry that you went through a similar experience. I'm just trying to shed light on the situation and make it apparent to people that these kinds of things happen and hopefully it allows people to talk about it more because talking about it helps heal the soul.
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poor baby....
hugs for the 9 year old you, she didn't deserve this to happen and now she has grown to become you, a brave young woman with her whole life ahead. letting go of abuse is a hard road to follow, but it leads to self love and nuturing. I hope you find a life mate who will love and adore you and help to heal the 9 year old child inside.
your poem is very moving, a powerful if difficult read. you have a poetic gift!
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The 9 year old in me thanks you for the hug. =] and yes, luckily I have found someone who treats me well and won't let something like this happen to me again. I'm slowly but surely becoming a stronger person. Thank you for the comment.=]
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