B.B. Wolf(Monologue version of " Little Red Riding Hood "

  Hey, heard of me; I'm B.B. Wolf. I was never more embarrassed in my life. You try to do

a good deed, and does anyone appreciate your efforts,not likely. I can Guarantee that

I'll think twice before I get involved again.

    You roam around the woods like I do you get know the people; you notice what's

going on. There's this old grandma lady lives all alone; I try to keep an eye out for her;

just like any conscientious neighbor would do.

Well, one day I spotted this really suspicious little girl, in some type of red cloak disguise,

sneaking through the woods towards Grandma's house. Dressed in a hood as in "riding"

This little girl was apparently up to no good. I quickly put two and two together and

got "trouble". This red hood was slowly making it's way along, and was carrying

-get this- a large picnic basket. Now why would such a small girl, alone, need such a

large basket? Exactly my thoughts! She was hiding something in that basket.

Well, in spite of myself I grown sort of attached to the grandma lady, so when I

surmised that Granny was the target, I flew like the wind to the Grandma's house,

arriving shortly before little red trouble. Although I'm usually a VERY gently person

-ask anyone- in this particular case, time was of the essence, so I hurriedly

crammed... uh uh I mean, assisted, Grandma into the closet, locking the door... for

her protection...of course. Then I just had enough time to throw a granny gown

over my body, grab a bonnet, and jump in Granny's bed. Sure enough, at that moment

little red trouble came bouncing in with her basket.

Right off, she started asking me real personal questions... things bout my ears, eyes,

and teeth. You'd think she was a Dr. I was sure my suspicions would going to be

confirmed, and then she opened the picnic basket.

GOODIES! That's right a basket full of GOODIES! A basket full of GOODIES. Poisoned

GOODIES, I guess. But when I tasted a few of them they seemed to be the real

deal. Now I'm not a big person to admit when I am wrong, So I was about to come

clean with her when my bonnet fell off( crap ). Well the little girl went bonkers and

started screaming her little red hood off. There I was trying to calm the little brat

when this insane lumberjack barges in swinging a freakin' axe like a mad man!

You can imagine how it looks for me, so I decided to make a hasty exit from the

premises - a window was handy- and explain things later and have good laugh about it

do you think they waited to let explain...OF COURSE NOT! they have spread the word

far and wide that I was up to no good... IMAGINE that!

Oh, well! I'm just ot soft-hearted for my own good. Forget about what I said about

never getting involved, I just found out that there are three new pig neighbors. The

keast I can do is stop by and introduce myself to them... maybe even invite them

to...dinner.