My foremothers pushed handcarts heading west
to desert Zion’s asylum.
They built new lives near seagulls’ salty nest
praying for celestial praise to come.
They built new lives near seagulls’ salty nest
and conquered crickets’ mighty hum.
My foremothers pushed handcarts heading west
praying for celestial praise to come.
My foremothers pushed handcarts heading west
while watching weaker souls succumb.
They built new lives near seagulls’ salty nest
praying for celestial praise to come.
They built new lives near seagulls’ salty nest
underneath Brigham Young’s stern thumb.
My foremothers pushed handcarts heading west
praying for celestial praise to come.
Author notes
In this form we have four quatrain stanzas with a strict syllable count and rhyme scheme. There are three refrain lines, two alternating and one hook/anchor line. L1, L3, & L4 are the refrain lines. L1 & L3 of stanza one alternate in subsequent stanzas. L4 repeats at the end of every stanza. The minimum stanzas is four. The rhyme scheme is a/b/a/b or a/b/a/a
The refrain lines are characterized by alliteration with 10 syllables per line. L2 of each poem is 8 syllables. Here is the progression of each stanza. Note: the L1 & L3 refrain lines are numbered to show how they are to alternate from stanza to stanza.
The Mormon handcart pioneers were participants in the migration of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the LDS Church) to Salt Lake City, Utah, who used handcarts to transport their belongings. The Mormon handcart movement began in 1856 and lasted until 1860.
The miracle of the gulls is often credited by Latter-day Saints for saving the Mormon pioneers' first harvest in Utah. According to Mormon folklore, seagulls miraculously saved the 1848 crops by eating thousands of insects that were devouring their fields. According to some accounts, legions of gulls appeared by June 9, 1848. These birds, native to the Great Salt Lake, ate mass quantities of more crickets. Ornithologists don't regard this as particularly unusual because the seagulls around the Great Salt Lake often eat insects in the adjacent valleys, but some pioneers saw the gulls' arrival as a miracle.
Photo credit: http://www.fiddle-sticks.com/CCAChristensenHandcartCompany.jpg
In a list
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Comments
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Thank you for your entry
Lovely, you took the prompt in a broader way, not just an immediate grandmother but all of your grandmothers stretching back. Nice little history there.
You handled my form exceedingly well. Syllable count, alliteration, and rhyme scheme were well developed throughout and the refrain lines carried well throughout the poem.
I have to delete this contest as I didn't get enough entries but wanted to comment on the entries I did get and give you the scores you would have gotten if the contest had been judged. Please see my rubric below.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
TammyCriteria
20-18
Exceptional
17-14
Innovative
13-10
Commendable
9-6
Competent
5-1
Emerging
Score
Prompt Development
Expresses and develops meaningful and original perspective on prompt
Expressive and developed treatment of the prompt
Adequate focus and development
Some focus on prompt but lacks development
Unfocused and unclear
20
Organization
Form of poem appropriately and powerfully addresses the subject , each line focuses on prompt
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form is poorly constructed, focus is not maintained throughout
20
Poetic Language & Imagery
Sensory details and figurative language create vivid images that contribute significantly to the meaning of the poem; sound devices such as rhyme, alliteration, or onomatopoeia are used effectively to contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative languages and sound devices contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative language and sound devices may be overused, underused or inappropriate to the topic
Confusing or inappropriate use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
No use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
20
Use of Language
Word choice is vivid and exact throughout; grammar, mechanics and usage are correct, enhancing the thoughts and images
Precise word choice; no error in grammar, spelling and mechanics
Word choice occasionally vague, repetitive or imprecise; few errors in grammar, mechanics or usage
Word choices tend to be vague, repetitive or imprecise;
Consistently difficult to understand due to errors in grammar, mechanics and usage
20
Overall Impact
Poem captivates and inspires reader; is an excellent representation of the prompt/form
Poem attracts reader’s attention; is a good representation of the prompt/form
Poem is adequate and provides a reasonable representation of the prompt/form
Poem lacks inspiration
Poem fails to inspire
20
Total
100/100
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Yes gulls eat crickets, oils burn in lamps, weary President's have prescient dreams about fate common things that have been exalted as miracles, not because of what happened, but what some people believed they needed, and by need they were lifted. This is a lovely poem for all of the refrained verses there is a sense of the story and the meaning comes through along with lyrical and poetic beauty...PK
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