literal literary litanies lay limp
on the lined ledger of life
words whine weakly within
withered wants and wishes
as the wind of what once was
wars with the ways of wisdom
lest lethargy let languid lust
leach into our limbs.
Author notes
I wrote a travel journal on my trip to Newfoundland this summer-forty hand written pages to be exact- now as I type them out I find I am remembering more and more of my trip and am adding to my journal- at the rate I am going the 40 handwritten pages will end up being well over one hundred pages-herein lies the quagmire- what will I do with my journal once it is complete...thats what inspired this piece- the first 3 words were in my head for about a week and this morning they blossomed into what you see abov...flower or weed? you decide.
peace
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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A wonderfully blossomed flower that will lose petals and germinate into more flowers, that's what I think!
I am a big fan of alliteration and resonance. You have done splendidly. It makes me even happier when the alliteration makes perfect sense as your does. BRILLIANT!
All My LOVE ♥
Renee
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Travel Journals
I save all my travel writing for my kids - under the ridiculous assumption that they will want to read them - been doing it for a long time - even before I had kids. Now its one of my most prized possesions.
Concerning the poem - I didn't really like it at first - but then I saw your picture and now I love it. At first I was trying to understand the poem by understanding what it said - but after looking at your picture I think I now understand that its not really about what is said its more about how it sounds - which is excellent and musical. Thanks. -
Rare time I've seen one of these where everything was germane.
Nice goin!
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Really nice poem(:
Your alliteration was really good.
I personally thought it was a bit confusing, but thats just me. I understand the poem now.
I look forward to reading more poetry from you.
Goodluck with future writing to come(: -
I think the second instance of your alliteration is what's evoking the tongue-twister effect. The fact that the first alliteration is that of "lit" and the second is a "weh" or "whe" sound it almost wants to ring the same and it's dragging it's feet.
I dislike the repetition of the first two words "literal literary". You could go for "Luscious literal litanies" to keep with the "L" sound.
I'd also like to hear "While" before "words" in L3. "While words whine weakly within".
After wisdom in L6 you need some type of stop - I would go for a em-dash--less like a period and more powerful then a regular dash or comma. I think this would make the transition into your conclusion read more fluently.
Overall I think this is interesting and has the potential to be an unwieldy and unique piece of art.
Thanks for sharing,
Josh -
well, it's definitely something you've got to read twice and it's pretty interesting. maybe the tongue twisters take away from the message you were trying to convey. maybe there is no message. it's certainly fun to read!
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Definitely some good word play in that. Newfoundland is a beautiful place, rich in history and I know a few people from there. Definitely better scenery than in Nova Scotia where I live.
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Well, well done I do say! Go alliteration!
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well at first glance it looks like a tongue twister, but as you continue, it becomes a magical world. (a magical twisted world) lol. I wouldn't change a word
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