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winter leave

not long ago,
I jumped into piles of autumn
with innocent laughter,
falling into the lap of golden-yellows
and tinted reds.

alive,
I breathed apple crisp,
while bobbing alongside red wine smiles.
pumpkin seeds stuck between lips
as winter entered season’s spread~


 

 

blankets of white
couldn’t have been much colder

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

prompt: "A pictures worth a thousand words but you can't see what those shades of gray keep covered...you should have seen it in color"... lyrics by Jamey Johnson

in 50 words or less (50)

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28
  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    November 24
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    Edit | Reply
    I know so many great writers when it comes to imagery and metaphor, but I have to say that you are the true master of mixing the two and creating a masterpiece that beckons the reader to wish to read it over and over again! So many times when I read your work I can take more than one meaning from it and am amazed at how you make it look like such a simple art form, when in fact I am well aware that it is not.

    This particular poem starts out with such a softness, I could visualize you laying in a hammock jotting your thoughts as I began reading it, and yet by the time I finished it... the ending was so powerful you had moved to a desk in a master bedroom holding a diary staring at an empty bed looking at the white satin sheets crumpled from a night you would soon regret. (just one version I saw as I read this... but I so love how your art comes to life, please do not ever stop writing! I am not online much anymore, but I assure you that when I get a moment to be online, I will come read you my friend, you can count on that!)

    Congrats on the gold dear, it is well deserved.

    luv ya,

    Suzi


  • Whyitt U
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    I'm feeling those blankets of white right now...chilled to the bone. I wish that winter would just leave....I want piles of laughter and apple crisp and wine smiles stuck between my lips.....and I want you to know how much I love your poetry(holds up his hands and spreads them as far apart as he can)...thiiiis much!!!

    wyattxox


    • sweet arrival gold member
      October 15

      Edit | Reply
      i don't think there is a word created that would describe the smile on my face right now
      thank you


  • perfectsunset gold member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow; loved this!!!

    Your use of vocabulary is brilliant
    here, along with the deep
    illustrations & metaphor.

    The ending was absolutely
    flawless. You were so very
    beautifully inspired by the
    prompt.

    This deserves gold!

    Best of luck in the contest


  • glenn shannon silver member
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    hope your flu buggers off hun and you dd a beauty here agin loved this clever penning brilliant


  • Garmond gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    And as the seasons bring colour (that's how we spell it down here) and change, so too do they bring the chill within shadows. Thankfully the cycle never stops though huh? And thankfully we only get wiser. You have done wonders with the prompt but you always do.

    I had the best Autumn ever this year...... it was so great that I don't think I even noticed winter

    • sweet arrival gold member
      October 13
      Edit | Reply
      well... i am so glad to hear that it is autumn here now. so far so good, other than having a horrible cold or flu or whatever hit me. today was like i was hit by a truck, but could still function and after a soak in a whirlpool tub, i am feeling a little better. other than that, i LOVE the autumn.
      thank you so much, andrew

      • Garmond gold member
        October 13
        Edit | Reply
        I have just recovered from the 'flu' too, it took two full weeks to move on from it though. I feel so old.
        I hope you feel better soon.


  • crimsondew
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent...you brought the prompt alive....lovely imagery...Very clear images portrayed..All the best in the contest....


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    wonderful imagery! - i love "i breathed apple crisp", the ending really feels like it covers it all like snow.


  • SteveS gold member
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    Very pretty scenes created here..so innocent and tender...then that ending..wow! So much to take away.


  • PorcelainHope
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    Good take on the prompt.
    Beautiful metaphor in this piece.

    I do love the opener so much:
    "not long ago,
    I jumped into piles of autumn
    with innocent laughter,
    falling into the lap of golden-yellows
    and tinted reds."

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery is second to none!!

    You know, you use a lot of imagery and when some people do that it becomes overbearing and I cannot make sense of their meaning - yet with your writes, I can always feel the depth of the meaning and emotion the imagery is trying to say... and therefore it is never overdone. That is a fine skill you have honed hun... bravo to you!

    Love this write.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    Such vivid and beautiful imagery...so much brought to life in your words...metaphor...what can I say except excellent and the closing line gave me a chill of winter snow...simply amazing.

    Love,
    mystic


  • Emmyb gold member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    hehehe i think you know which bit i was going to pick on.

    but before i get to that

    can i say, my little smiley thing, that this is gorgeous. Truly. A true talent in this poem.

    and the last line swept over me like a sheet of snow and i felt the true hands of winter on me.


    well written honey



    PS


    red wine smiles?? grrrrrrr


    heheh x x

    • sweet arrival gold member
      October 10
      Edit | Reply
      god, i love you... who can make me smile like that on a saturday morning when i feel like crap? lol. you ARE the greatest, em. thanks

  • Rowan gold member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    so good. Period.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    October 10
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    plain and simple, excellent my friend..


  • manatee
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    Good thick, fulsome colours like an acrylic painting of autumn. Maybe you can frame it, hang up in your parlour. -Manatee


  • jazzcat gold member
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    Great job. Such a wonderful feeling of fall and young innocence appreciating the changing days.

    'I jumped into piles of autumn'

    I wish I would have written that line!

    Good luck with the contest!

    • sweet arrival gold member
      October 9
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, dane. i can always count on you to say just the thing to keep me writing. btw.. im still working on one for your contest and am going out tonight, but hope to get back to work on it before it closes.


  • John BoSox
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    This contests invites strong imagery..Guess what? you did just that..It is filled throughout your expressions and descriptions of how you feel at the time.They are vivid and beautiful, yet soft in word texture..Wonderful metaphores thrown in, as well..I can certainly feel your emotions..Well done, poet..congrats.......keep going

    John

1 - 28 of 28