Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Emotion’s veil

The fragrance of liaison is in the air
now the entangled villains heart is laid bare
sinner implied can only triumph with faith
is the melody of romance the escape?
Will the daydreamer’s emptiness become whole?
Is there hope, for a traveller forsaken and silent?
As shadows bend, dizziness approaches
wandering through time and darkness
is tranquility really that distant?

While crystal butterflies ripple against beloved
intertwined souls whisper and promise
what is the colour of the sky and ocean? ....perhaps blue?
Or are our senses distorted?
What is the courtier's embodiment? ....perhaps compassion?
Or is our perception corrupted?
Soon courtier's mind shall be at peace
will his spirit ever awaken?
Must the forbidden relationship be hidden?

As tears flow and existence may pass by
exalted fantasy illuminates the way
paladin brave and noble
display your majesty and honour
when did your aspirations lose their meaning?
Some snowflakes do twinkle rainbow
and a philosopher may argue
what is a smile without happiness and laughter?
What is life without the happily ever after?

Author notes

s i l l y s m i l e

Category 2

 

 

A contest entry

i would be happy to get your thoughts on this poem, also i always appreciate constructive criticism thankyou:)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • mimzmonkey
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    I love the feeling and flow of this, but it was the last two lines that really captured my heart...


    • sillysmile
      November 12
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for reading and commenting on this poem
      makes me happy
      and yes i really like the last two lines also


  • RainShatteredDreams
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    great piece flows well nicely done thanks for enterin and good luck!

    -Mary-


  • WordsAndWits
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    "what is life without the happily ever after?"
    So true, and so wise. I agree with Bean, grammar and punctuation make you look better than you are and only the great poets had the ability to avoid it. Other than this small mistake, you did a very nice job. Your are obviously very talented,
    - Caroline


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    There are a couple of issues in this piece for me personally - I am not certain that the lack of capitalization works here. Very few poets can pull that off and even less can make it a signature, think e.e. cummings.

    Also, it seems like you are tentative in your use of apostrophes. They are present in some places that they shouldn't be & missing in others where they are needed, such as in the title. It is confusing to the reader because we are unsure whether you intend to lend possession to the word or not.

    However, your imagery is lovely and the word usage is very nice as well. Such words as courtier and paladin do not often find homes in poetry on this site and so I am happy to have had the opportunity to share in this poem.

    Thank you for your entry & best of luck to you in the contest.

    - Bean Sidhe

    • sillysmile
      October 23
      Edit | Reply

      thanks bean :>

      haha yes i do rarely use capital letters and you may be right, it just might look better with them.
      well actually with the apostrophe in the title i did intend to convey possesion with the word.
      thank you for taking the time to review my poem


  • individuality gold member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    is the melody of romance the escape?
    - i like this line - perhaps it is. we all go for romance. love is a mad dream in the eye; like a galaxy's swirl.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    "when did your aspirations lose their meaning?
    some snowflakes do twinkle rainbow
    and a philosopher may argue" --> I love those lines

    I see you've gotten the hang of contests, that is good I think this piece is deeply intriguing with a sort of mystical feel to it; very well penned

    Always good to see a fellow Aussie on AP

    I hope you enjoy AllPoetry and continue to share your words with us
    ♥
    Stay safe
    ~Manda
    Site Greeter


  • Fallen-Thumper
    October 10

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    i really love this piece, its amazing and beautifully written. I love it and its fantastic. A really great write.
    -penguin-

  • catstar
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. I loved this. It had such a wonderful atmosphere about it. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • laura0757 gold member
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    every one has their own style. I have mine you have yours that shat makes life beautiful diversity..........we all have lots to say,,,,,,,,,but all the different ways to say it....is the essence of poetry.......and I am no expert. but all I know is that if I like i like it, if i dont i dont..........bye I wil with time keep reading but you go go go..............I am canadian by the way,,,,,,,,,,no we dont live with eskimos and moose.lol


    • sillysmile
      October 9
      Edit | Reply
      lol, i like canadian accents, im an aussie haha and no we dont get around riding on kangaroos .

  • laura0757 gold member
    October 9
    Edit | Reply
    we comment on each other's poem around the same time, I have lots of fun,,,,,,,,,,thanks for your comment.........

  • laura0757 gold member
    October 9
    Edit | Reply
    wow, i was so impressed with this oh my God, you keep writing. I am sure it wont be long before you win a contest,for sure......beautiful write, and so young you should be proud of your self..........wow......................


  • crash13
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good.. i enjoyed reading this.. keep up the good work...

1 - 17 of 17