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you're a cliche and so am i.



it began with you crying
because your life was terrible
and everybody hated you
and you hated them
and oh dear god.


you were just like the cliché you didn’t think you were
and when your heart stopped beating, you realized:

you didn’t want to die.

..


you were sure the only way to explain how you felt
was with sharp objects you found
lying in the dirt beneath your fingers.

[in truth, maybe you were just following the crowd.
after all, I would have thought you would know by now-
no matter what you do,

nobody cares.]

..


it was quiet at midnight,
and when you drank that bleach; cut your wrists; took those pills-

you wanted to live.

..


you wanted to live
but you knew that they wouldn't understand
and you wouldn't fit in anymore
and everybody would hate you
and oh dear god.

..


it ends with you crying


because you aren't sad anymore.







Author notes

... NO.

this makes me want to cry.
because i hate it so god damn much.

i was trying to make it good. and powerful. and worthy of comments and applause.
i was trying to make up for everything bad i have written in the past forever.
i was trying to write something that meant something because hopefully this sunday will be my last.
i was trying to write something people would remember me for.

i was trying my god damn hardest
and i failed.
because this sucks.
because i suck.


i'm sorry.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • moonkissedtiger
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    I love this. Powerful. Strong. Right there, in your face, can't escape it...

    & I just love the oh dear god parts.

    Keep writing, please. I want to hear what you have to say.


  • wave1080
    October 9
    Edit | Reply

    this is good ok

    last sunday ? never talk like this


  • Vampjaz
    October 9
    Edit | Reply

    Worthy

    I enjoyed this immensely! I did not like the two periods...I guess I don't really understand their purpose. The spacing causes a pause there, so they seem unnecessary.
    When I got to the end of this piece and read your author's notes I was worried, though. I hope you don't really mean your LAST Sunday. Your work is good, and emotional, and touching, and the world needs writers that have the ability to portray such humanity.


    • thesefadingstars.
      October 9

      Edit | Reply
      thanks

      " I did not like the two periods..."
      --er... which two periods? haha. i'll change it if i agree with you. i just need to know what part you're talking about. haha.


      • Vampjaz
        October 9
        Edit | Reply
        When I view this, it seems the spacing is a bit off, with large gaps between things and two periods to separate lines every once in awhile. For example, there are two after "you didn't want to die" and two after "nobody cares". Actually, I'm wondering if its just a formatting thing on here...there is a large gap after "no matter what you do" , before the "nobody cares" too.

        • thesefadingstars.
          October 9
          Edit | Reply
          is that better? or did you think all the double spacing needs to be removed?


          • Vampjaz
            October 10

            Edit | Reply
            Maybe its my computer...I still see it the same way. The spacing isn't that important anyway I guess. Its a very good poem with great emotional conveyance. I hope you continue to write such powerful work.

1 - 8 of 8