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Kid You're Walking on Thin Ice

Surely you took a wrong step
Plunging into depths that suck the life from your chest
You gasp, then shout, pleading for help
Clawing and scratching, but nothing to grasp
Your body is slowing and theres nowhere to rest
It's harder to breathe now and your screams seem in jest
The numbness isn't so bad you think, trying to make the best
You stop kicking and realize your death
Finally calm, you sink, no more breath left

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    October 10

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    Welcome to AllPoetry

    I like the way that your poem can be read from multiple perspectives based on the frame of mind of the reader at the time of reading. It can be taken literally, but it also makes a great metaphore for other life issues.

    Nicely done

    Violet
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  • Eddie c Estrada-111
    October 10

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    THIS BRINGS BACK MY TEENAGE YEARS ALWAYS TESTING THE LIMITS ON HOW FAR I COULD GO GETTING INVOLVED IN SITUATIONS I COULDNT HANDLE BUT ITS NEVER TO LATE TO TURN AROUND NICE JOB.....