Vent

I want…

To jump off a cliff
And just say
FUCK IT

To life

Because im sick of dead end roads
That lead to no where

Im sick of habit
And routine
And the fact that im following a path
Because its what most people do

Its like a fucking board game

Life is not a board game
With a path we all must take

I feel like im in candy land
But all the candy sucks

Where is the surprise
The adventure
And the calling
For me to pursue?

So I go get my degree
Then what will I do?

Get stuck in a job
5 days a week
With nothing to show for it

In the end
Ill be dead
And will have lived a life
Of repetition

And my dreams will be buried with me

I want my dreams to be alive and to thrive

But my health is dying
My voice is weak
And the only release I can get is on this paper

And yet paper doesn’t pay bills
And so I conform to feed my desire

And all the while I’m hating it

Screaming inside the confines of this
Box
Called normal life

And I hate it

And it drives my suicide

Suicidal thoughts for now

I feel like im drowning
In my own unhappiness
And disapproval

But I need that approve of others
To survive

I need the security
and to know
What lies ahead,
at least a plan

And this board game provides that

I know when I pass go
I will always receive the $200 dollars
And each round is a variation of the last

But if I walk off
And take a chance on what my heart is telling to me to do

The dark looms, waiting for me
And who knows what I may find

Most likely I won’t find
Anything

But debt
Dependence
And desperation

So do I stay?
Do I go?
Do I live?
Or do I die believing that this is life

When life right now is dying

Along with my voice

And if I loose that

I loose it all...