These Used To Be My Words

For the first time in my life
I could not tell you I loved you
When you asked

Your hair fallen limp
Exhausted with hostility
As you braced yourself on the stairs

And the lie that
I wanted to make you believe
Was caught in my throat and
I could not say it for fear of choking

And there was silence
And I thought you knew that I couldnt
Make the words come out

I knew something was wrong because I say it
Over and over and over again
Every day
Like an empty shell round

More than I say anything else but that day,
When you asked me
I said nothing

I could not even manage the "I..."

You asked me why I love you and
My mind was empty and all I could feel
Were the reasons why I did not

The reasons for loving you had flown away
Out of my reach

You are so certain of your love for me
That was always my position
The strong love to keep us together

You would marry me today if I just asked
You would drive down and confidently say
I do without hesitation
And that scares me

Because I have always been the hopeless romantic
And I would have abandoned all thoughts
Doubts and insecurities
That at one time were all silenced
Because I knew, without a doubt,
That I loved you

But if I cant even get the words
Lose from my throat
Then how can they cover me and protect me?

If I cant tell my love to come and
Motivate me to say it then
How can I keep myself from fleeing form the alter?

Are these words gone forever?
Or hiding?
Or maybe they no longer belong to me
And only to you

You once gave your love back to me; your words
And when I returned it to you
I think mine went with it

And now,
Im struggling to find my voice
To call love back