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She's dying...

Stick and stones may break her bones
but words can make her bleed inside
she'd never admit it to anyone though
she'll simply wish she wasnt alive.

She may act happy and bubbly to you
but thats just to cover up her pain
in reality she's hurting so much inside
and feels so weak and drained.

She wont tell anyone how she feels
but just because she is smiling
it doesnt mean shes happy at all
shes just covering up that shes slowly dying.

She sees an image of herself in the mirror
but its an image she wishes she couldnt see
cause the mirror reflects someone she hates
someone, something she doesnt want to be.

A contest entry

i dont know where it came from but its kinda how i feel right now..:( and i hope its okay for the contest...

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • LesbianOfLove
    November 15
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem, excellent use of rhyme here. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!

  • Sweet Dead Rose
    November 8

    Edit | Reply
    wow...
    this is a well written. I loved the imagery and the title.
    I just loved it all.
    and I can totally relate to it.
    Good job,
    - Ashley.


  • savemysoul
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    loved this. i feel like you just wrote my life on paper. amazing. emotions felt all around. great write! i like your style and loved this poem. thanks for entering and good luck.

    -- jordan.

  • BrokenGlassRose
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    "Stick and stones may break her bones/but words can make her bleed inside" I love the first lines. The rest was very simple and cliche though. There was so much emtion and you get the sense that "she" is actaully the author. There are some good parts but your word choice could be better and more complex.

    Please don't take my comments hard, they're meant to help, not be be spiteful.


  • foreveryourslove
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow wonderful i love the interpretion from the old saying. thank you fopr entering in my contest and i wish you the bestest of luck in it too.. ~jasmine~


  • Scars-On-Her-Arms
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    "She sees an image of herself in the mirror
    but its an image she wishes she couldn't see
    cause the mirror reflects someone she hates
    someone, something she doesn't watn to be"

    Amazing. i loved the poem as a whole, it was beautiful and deep. it may have been a little short but it was powerful none the less. i hope to read more of your writing


  • Fr33BirdFaLLin
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Great poem with flowing rhyme. Good job and good luck


  • CareBearKilla
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    Unfortunately this is how a lot of people feel. I feel that way sometimes, everyone does. Great Job. Good Luck


  • evershine-90
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    I see how this comes from your heart, the emotions are very strongly felt. beautifully written piece. Great work and keep it up!


  • Darkmoon
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Good poem. I hope you feel better soon. Good luck in that contest!

    Your Friend, ~Edna~


  • lonley and broken
    October 13
    Edit | Reply
    love it :


  • Scarlet x Stone
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    Hey hunny, another emotional and sad poem. very true words, you have a very deep insight into the world of hurt and pain. xxx Im here if you ever need someone xxx


  • Fallen-Thumper gold member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this piece is very moving and shows so many of your emotion. it is a really fantastic write and i love it. Its brilliant and says so much. Fantastic!
    -penguin-

    i hope things have looked up for you


  • deep blue sea
    October 10
    Edit | Reply
    great one.dnt epect to die so soon.get well soon.


  • Sheilasbabygal4life gold member
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was a very moving piece you have here. It was nicely written. I enjoyed reading this. I am sure that someone out there can realate too this. This had tons of feelings flowing on this wonderfull written piece. Thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!


  • Starme
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    WOW.This holds so many emotions. I liked it but I dont like that your feeling like this.
    Hope u feel better


  • BrokenInToPieces
    October 9

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is amazing. It holds a lot of emotion. I liked this. And I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now Feel better soon. x

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