Ignorance

I have to wonder
If you knew
I was a child

Did you find our interactions appropriate?
The toothbrush.
Remember?

How many lies did you tell yourself
To make it okay enough for you
To love me?

Do you think about me
Or do you push it from your mind
The unspoken events
We dont acknowledge

But no one really knows what went on
Out of
You and I

How do you have the capability to
Talk to me now
So nonchalant and friendly
Knowing that I only recently
Reached a legal age
Even though our fling ended
5 years ago?

Would you be angry with me
If I discussed this with you?
Would you start to feel dirty
And run away from the proof?
Because I still have the pictures of you
And I know you must have the pictures of me

Can a child be cyber-molested
If she stayed up for hours every night
Waiting and asking for it?

Maybe youre the innocent victim
And Im the dirty whore
Thats what Ive told myself for years
Thats the reason the past has been okay

You should know you werent the only one
There were hundreds
But you were the first one I loved
The first one to love me

And that special connection
Has initiated the foundations
To all my relationships hence

I just want to know if you remember me
Really remember
Remember us?
Was there even an US?
Or was it all you?
Or me?

Im confused and I feel
You are the only one who knows

But I dont ask you
I dont even bring the topic up
Because Im scared to lose you

Even though all Ive ever had of you
Was a lie