Death

I close my eyes and recall the day I found out that my grandmother had died
I feel almost the exact same emotions as the day you left me
I remember
Being at work
And my mom calls me to go to the parking lot and I am filled with excitement
Because I believe she will be there
With my grandmother
I am hoping she is finally out of the hospital
And waiting for me with open arms

You call me and you tell me that I should take off my ring
The ring I have worn for nearly 3 years
And say youre going to get me a new one
One you actually paid for and has special meaning to us
And I am anxious relieved and so excited.

I get to the parking lot and you are standing there and I am filled with confusion
My mom is still on the phone with me and asks me if I can see you
She tells me that she asked you to come over to be there for me
I am so confused
I ask her what is going on
And she tells me
My grandmother is dead
I feel everything in me drop
And I am violently falling
Out of my mind
Out of control

I am on my way home and my phone rings
And this other woman is calling my phone
And like a fool I answer
Because I trust you
Its like pulling the trigger on a gun
Because she tells me
That you are done with me
And that you and her are going to start a wonderful life together
As if the life we had
Wasnt wonderful
I have no idea what to think
As once again I violently fall
Out of my mind
Out of control

You hold me and comfort me through my grandmothers death
As I grieve through unimaginable pain
I can never see her again
No matter how much I want to
No matter how many tears I shed
No matter how many times i cry
No matter what I think do or say
My grandmother is never coming back

I feel like I want to die to escape the pain
Of the knife that you have thrown in my heart
Piercing through my flesh
And damaging my soul
And no matter what I do
You will not come back to me
And I see you slipping away
Sinking deeper into her
And farther from me
Your love for me has died
And is as decease as my beloved grandmothers corpse

But this time
I am alone
And you are gone
No longer are you strong
Like the day I needed you in that parking lot
You have deteriorated
You are compromised
You are weak
You run from your problems
Ignore your emotions
Flee from your obligations and responsibilities
You have no sense of honor
No sense of respect
Only a sense
Of yourself

The Cassie I Loved
Is
Dead.

And just like my grandmother - may she rest in peace
I miss her...
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