Stay
Half whispered, half heard
The word fell gently from her lips
Tumbling down her dress
Across arms clutched close
Holding onto hope that he would hear
Gaining momentum til hitting the floor
Crashing down amidst bare feet
Stay
One soft syllable spills over bitten bottom lip
Searching between strands of blonde
Tousled hair covers tear-filled eyes
Hiding her need and desire
Holding onto hope that he would hear
Reaching out to grab his ear, grab his heart
Filling the space between them
Stay
Half heard, half felt
The word raced across the floor
Pour itself into him like water
Flowed through his veins into his heart
Hope like thunder roared in his ears
Stopped his footsteps, turned him around
As if he could ever truly leave
First draft, let's hear your thoughts....
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I love how you made words physical in a sense, that really caught my attention. Also, you write very well. Some people distinguish themselves by the content of their poetry, and you definitely did that too in this piece, but your wording really stood out to me too. Lots of images and emotions. Loved that. Good job!
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Thanks for the comments. I like the idea of emotions and words as physical things, I think it helps generate more feeling when you read it.
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Wow extremely heartfelt, and so full of hope, desire, and fear of "STAY" not being enough to keep the one she needs. How you turn one word into many, describing the need she feels for you. Excellent job here. I can really feel her pain that you have written well.
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Thanks. I was trying to capture the feeling from the photo I saw with that as the title. I took someone's advice and started looking at deviantart.com for some inspiration.
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This is beautiful
I just wanted to say that you did a really good job on this and it almost made me cry... So I give major props to you! -
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Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
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