October's rain-washed streets
turn gold as the sun stirs the East.
Beneath a cloud-specked sea-blue sky
we hold open reluctant eyes.
Cold clean air
a shock to London lungs
tastes sweet on the walk
towards the station.
Wise early birds,
feeling cheated by wiser late worms,
chatter as I pass.
Cars grumble,
buses snort
the sun rises higher
and the magic fades away.
Please tell me honestly what you think, good or bad.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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What a lovely description of a beautiful morning! I don't agree about the "cliche's".
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Like Mairi, I love:
"Cars grumble,
buses snort"
It's very "Dalaneyish"
Love,
Amera♥
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A mixture of cliché (paved with gold, sun waking in the east) and some lovely phrases (cars grumble, busses snort). I like your attempts at free verse.
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Get it to wake in the North and I'll avoid that cliche
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You plonker! It's the waking bit!
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But that wouldn't make a good joke, try it now
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You're weird.
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well a free verse well i hope she enjoyed it
its quite out of your ordinary
but am proved that, it doesnt matter
Either or you pen with brilliance
Passions
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Hmmm. Different sort of poem from what I'm used to from you, but pleasant. Like having Pineapple and Pepperoni pizza instead of Sausage. Both are good, just pleasing to different parts of the palate. Even in this non rhyming form, I thoroughly enjoy your descriptive phrasing. [especially "cars grumble, buses snort"... gotta love that anthropomorphizing(sp?)]
Write On!
jIM
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