Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Garden of Seborhin

I close my eyes,
your lips touch mine one last time..

I take one last breath and breathe in your divinity
as my life force slips away.

And as my eyes close for the final time,
I feel no pain.

All I feel is the love that radiates between our souls.

Author notes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se1KH6SNPGU

I'm losing it again...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • blackrabbit. gold member
    November 8
    Edit | Reply
    oh honey, i hope you don't still feel this way =[


    • Anubis
      November 9
      Edit | Reply
      I was in another universe when I wrote this. That music carried me away. It wasn't meant to be sad. More like beautiful? I guess I failed


  • Pixi
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    i kept reading this piece over and over again.. i honestly do not know why.. but some sane explanation is that it really does attract me ..
    it somehow reminded me of a poem i have read lately saying:
    "O departing one"

    i love it ... *claps*


  • brokenangelsanity
    October 12

    Edit | Reply

    wow....

    This is simply amazing. I love your poetry. It's so simple yet tells a story so beautiful and one that I cannot take my eyes off of.


  • Lady Ink Blood
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    Your a Great poet Anubis;you should write more.
    I'll make afew pointers:
    1. Remove the and at that start, it takes away the power of the peom and its a connective at the start of a sentance.
    2. This would be amazing if you continued it 10 lines or so? its beautiful and could use the extension for lasting hold. :]

    apart from that I like the metaphors and I love the suttle yet spiritual theme. Well done :]

    *waves*
    Stained in Ink.
    x

    • Anubis
      October 12
      Edit | Reply
      I write when I feel the inspiration Madam Ink. I will continue at a later date. Thank you for your suggestions

  • Summerge
    October 10
    Edit | Reply

    Anubis

    Poem was nice but really sad. It felt like a suicide was taking place. 


  • amnouup
    October 10

    Edit | Reply

    Many points

    There're many ways to interpret your piece:
    1> one is going to sleep in divine love forever
    2> last meet with beloved before physical death
    3> last meet with beloved before symbolic death of a character.
    Very nicely written!


  • NyteShade
    October 8
    Edit | Reply
    You can feel the energy just by reading this piece
    Nicely written Anu -licks-


  • Myjoy gold member
    October 8
    Edit | Reply
    This was simply pretty. Well done.
    What are u losing? If u don't mind my asking?

  • Anubis
    October 8
    Edit | Reply
    Listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se1KH6SNPGU

    Feel the energy that flows from the tone of it. Allow your soul to breathe it. You can feel that energy, it will allow you a glimpse at what I see.

    I am the spirit of Africa.

1 - 11 of 11