Have you ever been to the edge?
To the point where there's no turning back?
To the point where you don't give a fuck
About life ...... or death??
When you would simply laugh
As the razor slices
Right into your arm!!
The boss isn't paying me damn near what I'm worth!!!!!!
I'd love to see her head on a fuckin' spike!
Hopefully the blood will still be dripping.
I tell ya, there's nothing better
Than watching the last drops of life
Drain out of a person.
And the crazy roomate thinks she's safe
Ha ha fucking HA!!!!
For one, i dont have slave written on my forehead
And for two
You dont fuck me!!
So why should I do your bidding?
It's a fucking wonder that I'm not in jail
With a murder charge on my head; still alive.
I've had enough of this bullshit system
That does nothing but fuck people like me
Who work hard for shit wages,
Who can barely survive!!!
I really wonder if jail would be worth it.
Author notes
it felt really good to get all of that off my chest. this is the first thing i've written in a while so any kind of feedback is welcomed. Thanks. I m p r o v M a c h i n e r y
A contest entry
- in factuality. by sighingflosser..
500 points, ended October 17, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
comments from the peanut gallery
Comments
-
I love the darkness
I love how you just wanted to rip all out of that out of your chest -
Dig Deep They Say
Dig deep they say.
I find forcing one's self to write in a pre-formulated way also forces one to dig deep, as well as, by virtue of word play and rhyme, time and what you say, to rouse by way of lay (that is, song) understanding that goes deep and cannot go wrong.
Now, this piece is pretty cliched.
My first advice would have been to balance the boss with the girl (what's a job for after all?). Thus one might have interpolated as follows:
...
Hopefully the blood will still be dripping.
Damned fucking unlikely I will get a raise otherwise.
I tell ya, there's nothing better
...
***********
Not that that rhymes, so what form might one use on this, taken as afirst draft, to suit the intention, the meaning of it?
abba rhyme with (I see 6 lines for each stanza, but that doesn't help..I shall start, with perhaps an abbacc scheme anticipated); given that the first line has 8 syllables, I shall try that:
Have you ever been to the edge?
To the point where there's no turning
Back, where you don't give a flying
Fuck about life or death, a ledge
Where you simply laugh at it all
As the money drips down, blood falls
From mind contemplative, unkind?
The boss ain't payin' me near what
I'm worth!! I would love to see her
Head on a spike, so much better
If that blood still drips, draining what
Remains of life as I called it,
The shots, for a minute, then quit
That damn job: I so hated it.
And that crazy room mate who thinks
She is safe while I ruminate
How me her orders denigrate
To slavery for one, for two
She don't fuck me like a rhyme
That did not do while I did time
In her prison mind weighting me down.
....the rest I would leave up to you, except to say write more poetry, and that you survive like people in the Sudan barely do, and in no small measure it is because of Western peoples imposing violence on peaceful enough agrarian cultures while simultaneously plundering the resources there (the West still takes 60% out of Africa, gives 20% over to their preferred minority, and 20% for the rest, sells firearms aplenty there, and doesn't care enough, even about itself), and that I hope you didn't do it and get away with it - the poem leaves that interpretation possible.
Master "I've had enough of the bullshit too"Anarchy
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