a man once came and put his knees into my ribs, sand-spreading the harp strings and cobwebs and dog-chewed curves until a crack and secret disintegrated my mouth.
he seethed, "I just wanted to shock the world."
(with his musk at my pelvis I imagined myself as a million different stirrings: a broom sweeping the dry, split-ends of a scrawny twelve year old, a ring of pill-white mushrooms on the side of the house after a damp evening, the hourglass of Monroe graffitied on a bathroom stall, a father's stillness after viewing the size of a child-casket, a mutter in the dimness of a bedroom "Jesus, I missed this.", the hospital odor clogged between fingers and breaths, the fuck-the-rest-of-the-world chaos of a first kiss, puffy headphones at a record store being deemed as the last holy salvation, and then I was a girl at three am imaging the pillow as a slumbering chest beneath my palm, the love-doves plucking up my arm and tapping my elbow as if to say, "Sleep now, I'm home.")
I once shouted at the world, "I just wanted to shock you."
Author notes
And I've got a crack whores dreams upon my tail
Sweet love for sale love for sale
I just want to ride in your car
-Queen Adreena
loooove you sexy lady.
A contest entry
- Give Me a Reason, Give Life to my Soul by Allure of a Rose.
775 points, ended November 17, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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dude
if this was in black/white with the font times new roman
is the only way
your words can get any better
haha
seriously,
amazing
[=
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thanks :]]]
by the way, your picture is sweeeeeeT.
[yeah I felt like the capital "T" was completely necessary to emphasize that word with an ending sharpness
]
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thank you ;D
hahaha
it reads really weird, live the voice i read it in.. gets awkward at the T
xD
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hahaha think Grath from Wayne's World. crap I don't remember what he says but there's a word that ends with a T and he makes it all pointy.
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Yay. Finally something worth reading.
I like it quite a bit.
I kind of wish there was one more stanza somewhere.
It just doesn't seem quite finished. I dunno.
I may give a full critique later.
Ilyyyyyy.
Thanks for entering, loves -
I shall make a continuation, I had to switch computers :]
My favourtie situations you mentioned were:
"A father's stillness after viewing the size of a child-casket"
"the love-doves plucking up my arm and tapping my elbow as if to say, "Sleep now, I'm home.")"
It was full of time-shifts and shifts on tone and place, like a true mind. It was like a vision, huge and all-seeing kind of thing. It was un-worldly.
"and then I was a girl at three am imaging the pillow as a slumbering chest beneath my palm"
I do that all the fucking time, it's so fucking sad it makes me sick. I think the wording is a little awkward, just in that little bit.
you have blown that block out.of.the.water. This is incredible, completely incredible.
the last line is perfection.
Love you forveer -
I don't know why, but when I imagined the "man" I imagined Trent R. so I thought of this poem along to the music on "I do not want this" even though the words don't match.
I adored adored adored the "sand-spreading" I wasn't sure whether it was because of his strength, or your weakness or both. either way it's incredible. I just saw a harp draped in cob-webs... that image just struck me so hard. Music unplayed, breath untaken.
I loved the dip into the mind...I can tell that every single little one had so much thought, even if one was a "Oh, I'll put that in" and it just works, it seemed so weighted with thoughts because it came from within, cheesy as it sounds.
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My prediction: You are going to write the great American novel someday.
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I agree muchly :]
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This made my stomach heavy, my heart lurched, I felt sad, and then you left me wanting more. I love the way you packed all that bit in the middle, its like I can see your mind rushing rapidly between all those images and feelings. The last one, about the pillow, hit me the hardest, it's so perfect and simple and sad that I love it. Thank you.
Good luck in the contest <3 -
yay poem
and i luvz it
fuck yah
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why thank you :]
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