rocks tap tap tapping on my window
in the morning; you're throwing them
over and over, bang bang bang to get
me to wake.
and you climb through the window,
coffee in hand and join me under
the covers.
it's seven am and we've beat the birds again.
you rub your hands together like
an inuit on sunday. the chinadolls
on the windowsill chatter away in
a language we dream of
understanding
and there's a safety in the way we
can just sit and stare at the faded
posters of people who made music
not sound, stuck in a microcosm of
the big bad world
and not care at all.
Author notes
knife going in - tegan and sarah
A contest entry
- encircle me, i need to be taken down. by division.
1800 points, ended October 20, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [no title yet] by whiterabbit..
700 points, ended November 6, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold And Silver Trophy Poems! by MJ Forgives.
700 points, ended December 1, 230 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Really great poem. Hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
-Jess
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i love the last few lines so much, that was a really strong ending.
"the chinadolls
on the windowsill chatter away in
a language we dream of
understanding"
beautiful lines
-
"it's seven am and we've beat the birds again."
-- that is really cool.
and the "inuit on sunday" line was pretty awesome.
congratulations on the gold, it's definitely well-deserved. -
Interesting
I have commented to you elsewhere on the quality I find in your poems, but I have to admit that you've produced a phrase I haven't managed to follow, to wit "like an inuit on sunday". If it's "stream-of-consciousness", I guess I can live with it. -
asdfghjkl.
this was so good, you don't even know. i love the imagery and how the freeverse was just...words soaking in my veins. i felt this sooo much! great job and good luck
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Excellent
My favorite line: "the chinadolls on the windowsill chatter away in a language we dream of understanding..."
I love the warm feeling of this poem. -
"we've beat the birds again." This was my absolute favorite phrase of this poem.
"bang" as a word seemed a little out of place compared to the rest of this poem, BUT
loved it all. Truly.
-
rocks tap tap tapping on my window
in the morning, you're throwing them
over and over
-hehe, this is weird but i'm going to tell you the opposite of what you told me. i think the comma should be a period. just because if not it becomes a lengthy starting stanza. with a period it's more intriguing.
and you climb through the window,
coffee in hand and join me under
the covers.
-now that is a wonderful thing. that moment is captured without explanation here.
you rub your hands together
-you've used 'hands' twice in three lines. it doesn't matter too much but i'd probably consider changing it round.
the end is brilliant. it's all brilliant. very soft mood. inviting.
sounds like love.
-
i'm sorry for making you wait soo long!
your prompt: "knife going in" - tegan and sara
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